Summary
There are many personal steps you can take to make sure this past issue stays in the past.
To be human is to be imperfect. We are all capable of making mistakes, doing something we are not proud of, or even being part of an incident that has negatively affected someone else. And surely some hurtful events and wrongs have happened to us too.
Have you ever erred in a big or small way and can’t seem to get past it? Maybe you were the cause of an automobile accident that injured someone else. Perhaps you broke it off with your high school sweetheart and they were devastated. Or you left the front door open and your sister’s dog ran out, never to return. Maybe the hurt has come to you. A co-worker got the promotion you felt that you deserved, or you overheard a person you thought was your friend trash talking your family.
It’s hard to accept that you were the cause of another’s hurt, and even harder to know that you can’t change the past and instantly make it better. But how do you move on? And if you were the one hurt, how can you accept the consequences and get on with your life?
It can feel as if there is a groove or loop that keeps getting replayed, bringing you back to the past. But there are many personal steps you can take to make sure this past issue stays in the past. That instead of becoming a negative fixation in your mind, it becomes a healing point.
Forgive yourself. Even though it might feel impossible, it is still a priority to give yourself a break. You might need to tell yourself many times that you are allowed to make mistakes. That you are flawed, and you must accept what you have done. This is where self-compassion comes in: treat yourself with the same kindness you would treat others.
Accept the past and your new normal. Depending on the severity of the situation, you might have to go through many emotional stages to get through it. Or maybe it wasn’t that big of an incident in the first place. Get yourself in check and see the event as objectively as you can. Accept that you caused the accident, broke someone’s heart or lost someone’s dog and figure out where to go from here.
Allow yourself to really feel. Your feelings are real, and should be experienced. Whether they are negative, embarrassing, shameful or seem silly, they are yours. Acknowledge them, hold them close, try and understand why they are there and then let them go.
Don’t be a victim. At times, a pity party can feel like the only way to get through a bad event, but don’t let it. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, and oftentimes what seems unfair is the way of the world. Act strong and you will eventually feel strong.
Try on other shoes. If you were the one who was hurt, try to put yourself in the shoes of the one who upset you. Think about what emotional or physical pain they might have been experiencing before, during or after the incident. Feeling angry and resentful will do more internal damage to you anyway.
Practice mindfulness. Try and live in the present. Don’t fixate on past or future wrongdoing. Instead, absorb all that you can that is positive and happening around you right now. Mindfulness meditation is a great start.
Forgive the other party. This is not the same as saying whatever was done to you was OK. It’s being the stronger person. You might need to forgive them over and over again until you feel at peace.
Remember that you can get through difficult situations and become a stronger, better person. Although most of these tips are for your own internal resources, reaching out to loved ones, family, friends, counselors or peers can help a great deal.
Summary
There are many personal steps you can take to make sure this past issue stays in the past.
To be human is to be imperfect. We are all capable of making mistakes, doing something we are not proud of, or even being part of an incident that has negatively affected someone else. And surely some hurtful events and wrongs have happened to us too.
Have you ever erred in a big or small way and can’t seem to get past it? Maybe you were the cause of an automobile accident that injured someone else. Perhaps you broke it off with your high school sweetheart and they were devastated. Or you left the front door open and your sister’s dog ran out, never to return. Maybe the hurt has come to you. A co-worker got the promotion you felt that you deserved, or you overheard a person you thought was your friend trash talking your family.
It’s hard to accept that you were the cause of another’s hurt, and even harder to know that you can’t change the past and instantly make it better. But how do you move on? And if you were the one hurt, how can you accept the consequences and get on with your life?
It can feel as if there is a groove or loop that keeps getting replayed, bringing you back to the past. But there are many personal steps you can take to make sure this past issue stays in the past. That instead of becoming a negative fixation in your mind, it becomes a healing point.
Forgive yourself. Even though it might feel impossible, it is still a priority to give yourself a break. You might need to tell yourself many times that you are allowed to make mistakes. That you are flawed, and you must accept what you have done. This is where self-compassion comes in: treat yourself with the same kindness you would treat others.
Accept the past and your new normal. Depending on the severity of the situation, you might have to go through many emotional stages to get through it. Or maybe it wasn’t that big of an incident in the first place. Get yourself in check and see the event as objectively as you can. Accept that you caused the accident, broke someone’s heart or lost someone’s dog and figure out where to go from here.
Allow yourself to really feel. Your feelings are real, and should be experienced. Whether they are negative, embarrassing, shameful or seem silly, they are yours. Acknowledge them, hold them close, try and understand why they are there and then let them go.
Don’t be a victim. At times, a pity party can feel like the only way to get through a bad event, but don’t let it. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, and oftentimes what seems unfair is the way of the world. Act strong and you will eventually feel strong.
Try on other shoes. If you were the one who was hurt, try to put yourself in the shoes of the one who upset you. Think about what emotional or physical pain they might have been experiencing before, during or after the incident. Feeling angry and resentful will do more internal damage to you anyway.
Practice mindfulness. Try and live in the present. Don’t fixate on past or future wrongdoing. Instead, absorb all that you can that is positive and happening around you right now. Mindfulness meditation is a great start.
Forgive the other party. This is not the same as saying whatever was done to you was OK. It’s being the stronger person. You might need to forgive them over and over again until you feel at peace.
Remember that you can get through difficult situations and become a stronger, better person. Although most of these tips are for your own internal resources, reaching out to loved ones, family, friends, counselors or peers can help a great deal.
Summary
There are many personal steps you can take to make sure this past issue stays in the past.
To be human is to be imperfect. We are all capable of making mistakes, doing something we are not proud of, or even being part of an incident that has negatively affected someone else. And surely some hurtful events and wrongs have happened to us too.
Have you ever erred in a big or small way and can’t seem to get past it? Maybe you were the cause of an automobile accident that injured someone else. Perhaps you broke it off with your high school sweetheart and they were devastated. Or you left the front door open and your sister’s dog ran out, never to return. Maybe the hurt has come to you. A co-worker got the promotion you felt that you deserved, or you overheard a person you thought was your friend trash talking your family.
It’s hard to accept that you were the cause of another’s hurt, and even harder to know that you can’t change the past and instantly make it better. But how do you move on? And if you were the one hurt, how can you accept the consequences and get on with your life?
It can feel as if there is a groove or loop that keeps getting replayed, bringing you back to the past. But there are many personal steps you can take to make sure this past issue stays in the past. That instead of becoming a negative fixation in your mind, it becomes a healing point.
Forgive yourself. Even though it might feel impossible, it is still a priority to give yourself a break. You might need to tell yourself many times that you are allowed to make mistakes. That you are flawed, and you must accept what you have done. This is where self-compassion comes in: treat yourself with the same kindness you would treat others.
Accept the past and your new normal. Depending on the severity of the situation, you might have to go through many emotional stages to get through it. Or maybe it wasn’t that big of an incident in the first place. Get yourself in check and see the event as objectively as you can. Accept that you caused the accident, broke someone’s heart or lost someone’s dog and figure out where to go from here.
Allow yourself to really feel. Your feelings are real, and should be experienced. Whether they are negative, embarrassing, shameful or seem silly, they are yours. Acknowledge them, hold them close, try and understand why they are there and then let them go.
Don’t be a victim. At times, a pity party can feel like the only way to get through a bad event, but don’t let it. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, and oftentimes what seems unfair is the way of the world. Act strong and you will eventually feel strong.
Try on other shoes. If you were the one who was hurt, try to put yourself in the shoes of the one who upset you. Think about what emotional or physical pain they might have been experiencing before, during or after the incident. Feeling angry and resentful will do more internal damage to you anyway.
Practice mindfulness. Try and live in the present. Don’t fixate on past or future wrongdoing. Instead, absorb all that you can that is positive and happening around you right now. Mindfulness meditation is a great start.
Forgive the other party. This is not the same as saying whatever was done to you was OK. It’s being the stronger person. You might need to forgive them over and over again until you feel at peace.
Remember that you can get through difficult situations and become a stronger, better person. Although most of these tips are for your own internal resources, reaching out to loved ones, family, friends, counselors or peers can help a great deal.