Be Assertive and Live Your Best Life

Posted Jul 10, 2018

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Summary

  • The most useful style of communication is assertiveness.
  • Assertive people share their opinions and ideas in a respectful way.
  • Assertiveness helps people build relationships and reach goals.

Do you want to be taken seriously? Are you tired of people taking advantage of you? Have people called you bossy?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it is time to learn about assertiveness.

Communication styles

There are four main communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.

People who are passive tend to avoid conflict. They keep their opinions and ideas to themselves. They rarely say “no” or ask for help. They often do not go after what they want and are disappointed.

People who are aggressive seem to like conflict. They share their opinions and ideas even when it is not needed or wanted. They may talk over people or bully and threaten others. They go after what they want without worrying about how other people are affected.

People who are passive-aggressive avoid conflict but lash out in other ways. They share their opinions and ideas by insulting other people. They do things they do not want to do and “get back” at people in sneaky ways. They may not go after what they want and blame people who did not read their minds.

All of these styles can get in the way of living your best life.

Assertiveness

The most effective style of communication is assertive. People who are assertive deal with conflict in a problem-solving way. They share their opinions when it is appropriate and in a respectful way. They go after what they want without hurting other people.

People who are assertive also:

  • See people as equals
  • Listen to other people’s opinions and ideas
  • Set limits and say no when needed
  • Stick up for themselves without lashing out
  • Ask for what they need
  • Find help when needed
  • Speak in a normal, calm voice
  • Use non-threatening body language
  • Compromise or agree to disagree

Benefits of assertiveness

Remember the “golden rule”: Treat others as you want them to treat you. People who are assertive follow this rule and see themselves as equal to others. This helps them treat others with respect. This is more than just a good trait. It is also helpful when it comes to reaching your goals. Why? When you treat others with respect, they are more likely to:

  • Believe you are honest and be honest with you
  • Listen, support, or follow you
  • Give you what you need
  • Trust that you will help them
  • Build a strong relationship with you

You will have to deal with people all your life. Building strong relationships is like building a team. All members of the team support and help each other reach goals. Plus, good friendships and work relationships enrich your life. Being honest and open with others can open doors you did not know existed.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration says assertiveness is good for your health, too. It is not good to let unpleasant situations and feelings build up. Stress is hard on your body and mind. People who are assertive handle these things and get past them. Assertiveness can even help people deal with substance use disorder. People who are assertive know how it is OK to express their opinions, even if others disagree. They know how to say no and set limits. This can help people get out of situations where they might misuse a substance.

Resource

“Learn to Communicate Assertively at Work,” U.S. Department of Veterans’ Affairs

By Beth Landau
Source: "What Makes a Good Leader: The Assertiveness Quotient" by Daniel R. Ames, Ph.D. American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2007/02/good-leaders.aspx; "Assertiveness," American Psychological Association Dictionary, https://dictionary.apa.org/ assertiveness; "Assertive Versus Unassertive and Aggressive Behavior," Mountain State Centers for Independent Living, http://mtstcil.org/skills/assert-3.html; Brief Counseling for Marijuana Dependence: A Manual for Treating Adults by Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content/SMA15-4211/SMA15-4211.pdf; "Learning to Be Assertive," U.S. Department of State, www.state.gov/m/a/os/67655.htm; "Learn to Communicate Assertively at Work," U.S. Department of Veterans' Affairs, www.va.gov/vetsinworkplace/docs/em_eap_assertive.asp

Summary

  • The most useful style of communication is assertiveness.
  • Assertive people share their opinions and ideas in a respectful way.
  • Assertiveness helps people build relationships and reach goals.

Do you want to be taken seriously? Are you tired of people taking advantage of you? Have people called you bossy?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it is time to learn about assertiveness.

Communication styles

There are four main communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.

People who are passive tend to avoid conflict. They keep their opinions and ideas to themselves. They rarely say “no” or ask for help. They often do not go after what they want and are disappointed.

People who are aggressive seem to like conflict. They share their opinions and ideas even when it is not needed or wanted. They may talk over people or bully and threaten others. They go after what they want without worrying about how other people are affected.

People who are passive-aggressive avoid conflict but lash out in other ways. They share their opinions and ideas by insulting other people. They do things they do not want to do and “get back” at people in sneaky ways. They may not go after what they want and blame people who did not read their minds.

All of these styles can get in the way of living your best life.

Assertiveness

The most effective style of communication is assertive. People who are assertive deal with conflict in a problem-solving way. They share their opinions when it is appropriate and in a respectful way. They go after what they want without hurting other people.

People who are assertive also:

  • See people as equals
  • Listen to other people’s opinions and ideas
  • Set limits and say no when needed
  • Stick up for themselves without lashing out
  • Ask for what they need
  • Find help when needed
  • Speak in a normal, calm voice
  • Use non-threatening body language
  • Compromise or agree to disagree

Benefits of assertiveness

Remember the “golden rule”: Treat others as you want them to treat you. People who are assertive follow this rule and see themselves as equal to others. This helps them treat others with respect. This is more than just a good trait. It is also helpful when it comes to reaching your goals. Why? When you treat others with respect, they are more likely to:

  • Believe you are honest and be honest with you
  • Listen, support, or follow you
  • Give you what you need
  • Trust that you will help them
  • Build a strong relationship with you

You will have to deal with people all your life. Building strong relationships is like building a team. All members of the team support and help each other reach goals. Plus, good friendships and work relationships enrich your life. Being honest and open with others can open doors you did not know existed.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration says assertiveness is good for your health, too. It is not good to let unpleasant situations and feelings build up. Stress is hard on your body and mind. People who are assertive handle these things and get past them. Assertiveness can even help people deal with substance use disorder. People who are assertive know how it is OK to express their opinions, even if others disagree. They know how to say no and set limits. This can help people get out of situations where they might misuse a substance.

Resource

“Learn to Communicate Assertively at Work,” U.S. Department of Veterans’ Affairs

By Beth Landau
Source: "What Makes a Good Leader: The Assertiveness Quotient" by Daniel R. Ames, Ph.D. American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2007/02/good-leaders.aspx; "Assertiveness," American Psychological Association Dictionary, https://dictionary.apa.org/ assertiveness; "Assertive Versus Unassertive and Aggressive Behavior," Mountain State Centers for Independent Living, http://mtstcil.org/skills/assert-3.html; Brief Counseling for Marijuana Dependence: A Manual for Treating Adults by Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content/SMA15-4211/SMA15-4211.pdf; "Learning to Be Assertive," U.S. Department of State, www.state.gov/m/a/os/67655.htm; "Learn to Communicate Assertively at Work," U.S. Department of Veterans' Affairs, www.va.gov/vetsinworkplace/docs/em_eap_assertive.asp

Summary

  • The most useful style of communication is assertiveness.
  • Assertive people share their opinions and ideas in a respectful way.
  • Assertiveness helps people build relationships and reach goals.

Do you want to be taken seriously? Are you tired of people taking advantage of you? Have people called you bossy?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it is time to learn about assertiveness.

Communication styles

There are four main communication styles: passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.

People who are passive tend to avoid conflict. They keep their opinions and ideas to themselves. They rarely say “no” or ask for help. They often do not go after what they want and are disappointed.

People who are aggressive seem to like conflict. They share their opinions and ideas even when it is not needed or wanted. They may talk over people or bully and threaten others. They go after what they want without worrying about how other people are affected.

People who are passive-aggressive avoid conflict but lash out in other ways. They share their opinions and ideas by insulting other people. They do things they do not want to do and “get back” at people in sneaky ways. They may not go after what they want and blame people who did not read their minds.

All of these styles can get in the way of living your best life.

Assertiveness

The most effective style of communication is assertive. People who are assertive deal with conflict in a problem-solving way. They share their opinions when it is appropriate and in a respectful way. They go after what they want without hurting other people.

People who are assertive also:

  • See people as equals
  • Listen to other people’s opinions and ideas
  • Set limits and say no when needed
  • Stick up for themselves without lashing out
  • Ask for what they need
  • Find help when needed
  • Speak in a normal, calm voice
  • Use non-threatening body language
  • Compromise or agree to disagree

Benefits of assertiveness

Remember the “golden rule”: Treat others as you want them to treat you. People who are assertive follow this rule and see themselves as equal to others. This helps them treat others with respect. This is more than just a good trait. It is also helpful when it comes to reaching your goals. Why? When you treat others with respect, they are more likely to:

  • Believe you are honest and be honest with you
  • Listen, support, or follow you
  • Give you what you need
  • Trust that you will help them
  • Build a strong relationship with you

You will have to deal with people all your life. Building strong relationships is like building a team. All members of the team support and help each other reach goals. Plus, good friendships and work relationships enrich your life. Being honest and open with others can open doors you did not know existed.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration says assertiveness is good for your health, too. It is not good to let unpleasant situations and feelings build up. Stress is hard on your body and mind. People who are assertive handle these things and get past them. Assertiveness can even help people deal with substance use disorder. People who are assertive know how it is OK to express their opinions, even if others disagree. They know how to say no and set limits. This can help people get out of situations where they might misuse a substance.

Resource

“Learn to Communicate Assertively at Work,” U.S. Department of Veterans’ Affairs

By Beth Landau
Source: "What Makes a Good Leader: The Assertiveness Quotient" by Daniel R. Ames, Ph.D. American Psychological Association, www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2007/02/good-leaders.aspx; "Assertiveness," American Psychological Association Dictionary, https://dictionary.apa.org/ assertiveness; "Assertive Versus Unassertive and Aggressive Behavior," Mountain State Centers for Independent Living, http://mtstcil.org/skills/assert-3.html; Brief Counseling for Marijuana Dependence: A Manual for Treating Adults by Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content/SMA15-4211/SMA15-4211.pdf; "Learning to Be Assertive," U.S. Department of State, www.state.gov/m/a/os/67655.htm; "Learn to Communicate Assertively at Work," U.S. Department of Veterans' Affairs, www.va.gov/vetsinworkplace/docs/em_eap_assertive.asp

The information provided on the Achieve Solutions site, including, but not limited to, articles, assessments, and other general information, is for informational purposes only and should not be treated as behavioral health care or management advice. Please direct questions regarding the operation of the Achieve Solutions site to Web Feedback. If you have questions related to workplace issues, please contact your human resources department. ©2019 Beacon Health Options, Inc.

 

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