Do you find that most of your relationships have a lot of conflict? Take an honest look at your part in all the unrest. To help you in your search, you might also:
- Ask a loved one if they ever find you difficult.
- Be alert to others avoiding or ignoring you.
- Start to record the number and nature of conflicts in your life.
- Reflect on relationships and jobs that have gone wrong.
What makes you difficult?
If you suspect you are responsible for troubled relationships look for the emotions that cause your difficult behavior. The three likely causes are fear, anger and depression:
Fear and insecurity can cause you to:
- Gossip and put down people you envy
- Suspect that others mean you harm
- Worry constantly to others
- Try to control everyone and everything
- Dread failure and disapproval, making it hard to listen to criticism
Anger can cause you to:
- Blame others for anything that goes wrong
- Be bossy or bullying
- Judge others harshly
- Refuse to admit you are wrong
- Refuse to submit to authority
Depression or low moods can cause you to:
- Talk negatively and complain frequently to others
- Take everyone and everything too personally
- Believe you are always the victim
- Doubt your potential to be liked or to succeed
- Resent others who are happy, successful, etc.
Knowing the emotion causing your difficult behavior can help you focus on healthy ways to cope with those feelings. Talk to someone you trust, keep a journal or practice relaxation techniques.
Changing your ways
If you want to become less difficult, you can change some of your old habits. Whenever possible, plan how you will respond to others. For example, if you know you’re feeling irritable, rehearse in your mind how you will treat your child or co-worker with kindness if they make a demand on you. Consider giving up the following destructive attitudes:
- The need to always be right
- The need to be constantly in control
- The need to be perfect
- The need to be loved by everyone
- The need to blame
- The need to be free of conflict and frustration
Keep practicing—it will get easier.
Do you find that most of your relationships have a lot of conflict? Take an honest look at your part in all the unrest. To help you in your search, you might also:
- Ask a loved one if they ever find you difficult.
- Be alert to others avoiding or ignoring you.
- Start to record the number and nature of conflicts in your life.
- Reflect on relationships and jobs that have gone wrong.
What makes you difficult?
If you suspect you are responsible for troubled relationships look for the emotions that cause your difficult behavior. The three likely causes are fear, anger and depression:
Fear and insecurity can cause you to:
- Gossip and put down people you envy
- Suspect that others mean you harm
- Worry constantly to others
- Try to control everyone and everything
- Dread failure and disapproval, making it hard to listen to criticism
Anger can cause you to:
- Blame others for anything that goes wrong
- Be bossy or bullying
- Judge others harshly
- Refuse to admit you are wrong
- Refuse to submit to authority
Depression or low moods can cause you to:
- Talk negatively and complain frequently to others
- Take everyone and everything too personally
- Believe you are always the victim
- Doubt your potential to be liked or to succeed
- Resent others who are happy, successful, etc.
Knowing the emotion causing your difficult behavior can help you focus on healthy ways to cope with those feelings. Talk to someone you trust, keep a journal or practice relaxation techniques.
Changing your ways
If you want to become less difficult, you can change some of your old habits. Whenever possible, plan how you will respond to others. For example, if you know you’re feeling irritable, rehearse in your mind how you will treat your child or co-worker with kindness if they make a demand on you. Consider giving up the following destructive attitudes:
- The need to always be right
- The need to be constantly in control
- The need to be perfect
- The need to be loved by everyone
- The need to blame
- The need to be free of conflict and frustration
Keep practicing—it will get easier.
Do you find that most of your relationships have a lot of conflict? Take an honest look at your part in all the unrest. To help you in your search, you might also:
- Ask a loved one if they ever find you difficult.
- Be alert to others avoiding or ignoring you.
- Start to record the number and nature of conflicts in your life.
- Reflect on relationships and jobs that have gone wrong.
What makes you difficult?
If you suspect you are responsible for troubled relationships look for the emotions that cause your difficult behavior. The three likely causes are fear, anger and depression:
Fear and insecurity can cause you to:
- Gossip and put down people you envy
- Suspect that others mean you harm
- Worry constantly to others
- Try to control everyone and everything
- Dread failure and disapproval, making it hard to listen to criticism
Anger can cause you to:
- Blame others for anything that goes wrong
- Be bossy or bullying
- Judge others harshly
- Refuse to admit you are wrong
- Refuse to submit to authority
Depression or low moods can cause you to:
- Talk negatively and complain frequently to others
- Take everyone and everything too personally
- Believe you are always the victim
- Doubt your potential to be liked or to succeed
- Resent others who are happy, successful, etc.
Knowing the emotion causing your difficult behavior can help you focus on healthy ways to cope with those feelings. Talk to someone you trust, keep a journal or practice relaxation techniques.
Changing your ways
If you want to become less difficult, you can change some of your old habits. Whenever possible, plan how you will respond to others. For example, if you know you’re feeling irritable, rehearse in your mind how you will treat your child or co-worker with kindness if they make a demand on you. Consider giving up the following destructive attitudes:
- The need to always be right
- The need to be constantly in control
- The need to be perfect
- The need to be loved by everyone
- The need to blame
- The need to be free of conflict and frustration
Keep practicing—it will get easier.