Getting to Know Your Date

Reviewed Mar 20, 2017

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Summary

  • Come up with several open-ended questions before the date.
  • Stay alert to verbal and nonverbal cues.
  • Listen well and know when to keep quiet.

Many people feel pressured to make a good impression on a first date. A few reliable conversation openers can help break the ice and take the pressure off. Keep the conversation flowing, and over time you will become more comfortable talking with anyone.

Good openers

Come up with several questions before the date. This helps you ease into casual conversation and gives you something to fall back on during moments of silence. Remember, you’re trying to get to know your date, not interview her. Make your date feel comfortable by asking open-ended questions. Avoid talking about past relationships, religion, politics or any sensitive issue. Try these questions:

  • How do you know (a mutual friend)?
  • Have you seen (a recent movie)? What did you think?
  • What kind of music do you listen to?
  • What do you do for fun?
  • Tell me about your job. What keeps you there?
  • If you could do any type of work, what would you do?
  • If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
  • Who do you admire most?
  • What would you like to do or achieve in the next five years?

Chances are, these questions will encourage more conversation. But stay alert to verbal and nonverbal cues. If your date looks fidgety or diverts his eyes after you ask him to share his philosophy of life, quickly offer yours instead. In fact, it’s a good idea to come up with at least three things about yourself that you want to share to keep the conversation from becoming too one-sided.

Listen

Failing to listen to your date is not only rude, but it also can lead to misunderstandings and communication breakdown. Try following these guidelines:

  • Give verbal and nonverbal cues to acknowledge your interest and understanding. Nodding your head, raising your eyebrows and saying things such as “I see” or “that’s interesting” are examples of active listening cues.
  • If your attention gets diverted easily, sit with your back to the action. That will help you focus on your date and the conversation.
  • Listen for feelings and ideas. That way you can pick up on touchy subjects or issues that your date may feel strongly about.
  • Know when to keep quiet. 
By Christine P. Martin

Summary

  • Come up with several open-ended questions before the date.
  • Stay alert to verbal and nonverbal cues.
  • Listen well and know when to keep quiet.

Many people feel pressured to make a good impression on a first date. A few reliable conversation openers can help break the ice and take the pressure off. Keep the conversation flowing, and over time you will become more comfortable talking with anyone.

Good openers

Come up with several questions before the date. This helps you ease into casual conversation and gives you something to fall back on during moments of silence. Remember, you’re trying to get to know your date, not interview her. Make your date feel comfortable by asking open-ended questions. Avoid talking about past relationships, religion, politics or any sensitive issue. Try these questions:

  • How do you know (a mutual friend)?
  • Have you seen (a recent movie)? What did you think?
  • What kind of music do you listen to?
  • What do you do for fun?
  • Tell me about your job. What keeps you there?
  • If you could do any type of work, what would you do?
  • If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
  • Who do you admire most?
  • What would you like to do or achieve in the next five years?

Chances are, these questions will encourage more conversation. But stay alert to verbal and nonverbal cues. If your date looks fidgety or diverts his eyes after you ask him to share his philosophy of life, quickly offer yours instead. In fact, it’s a good idea to come up with at least three things about yourself that you want to share to keep the conversation from becoming too one-sided.

Listen

Failing to listen to your date is not only rude, but it also can lead to misunderstandings and communication breakdown. Try following these guidelines:

  • Give verbal and nonverbal cues to acknowledge your interest and understanding. Nodding your head, raising your eyebrows and saying things such as “I see” or “that’s interesting” are examples of active listening cues.
  • If your attention gets diverted easily, sit with your back to the action. That will help you focus on your date and the conversation.
  • Listen for feelings and ideas. That way you can pick up on touchy subjects or issues that your date may feel strongly about.
  • Know when to keep quiet. 
By Christine P. Martin

Summary

  • Come up with several open-ended questions before the date.
  • Stay alert to verbal and nonverbal cues.
  • Listen well and know when to keep quiet.

Many people feel pressured to make a good impression on a first date. A few reliable conversation openers can help break the ice and take the pressure off. Keep the conversation flowing, and over time you will become more comfortable talking with anyone.

Good openers

Come up with several questions before the date. This helps you ease into casual conversation and gives you something to fall back on during moments of silence. Remember, you’re trying to get to know your date, not interview her. Make your date feel comfortable by asking open-ended questions. Avoid talking about past relationships, religion, politics or any sensitive issue. Try these questions:

  • How do you know (a mutual friend)?
  • Have you seen (a recent movie)? What did you think?
  • What kind of music do you listen to?
  • What do you do for fun?
  • Tell me about your job. What keeps you there?
  • If you could do any type of work, what would you do?
  • If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
  • Who do you admire most?
  • What would you like to do or achieve in the next five years?

Chances are, these questions will encourage more conversation. But stay alert to verbal and nonverbal cues. If your date looks fidgety or diverts his eyes after you ask him to share his philosophy of life, quickly offer yours instead. In fact, it’s a good idea to come up with at least three things about yourself that you want to share to keep the conversation from becoming too one-sided.

Listen

Failing to listen to your date is not only rude, but it also can lead to misunderstandings and communication breakdown. Try following these guidelines:

  • Give verbal and nonverbal cues to acknowledge your interest and understanding. Nodding your head, raising your eyebrows and saying things such as “I see” or “that’s interesting” are examples of active listening cues.
  • If your attention gets diverted easily, sit with your back to the action. That will help you focus on your date and the conversation.
  • Listen for feelings and ideas. That way you can pick up on touchy subjects or issues that your date may feel strongly about.
  • Know when to keep quiet. 
By Christine P. Martin

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