Summary
- Bring up the subject of adoption early.
- Present it in an open, positive manner.
- Share sensitive information carefully.
When is the best time to talk to your child about being adopted? It could be right now. There is really no age that is too young, and you don’t want to wait too late. Many experts believe parents should begin at least by the time the child starts school.
Having “the talk”
In many ways talking about adoption is much like talking about “the facts of life.” Parents realize the topic is important. They do not want their child to hear about it from someone else. Still, parents may resist bringing the subject up.
Many adopted children may already have some awareness of their situation. In “open adoptions” they may have already had some contact with their birth parents. Children adopted from another country or race will realize they look different than the rest of the family.
If your child is ready to hear about where babies come from, they are ready to hear about where they came from. This does not mean you have to go into great detail. Share the basic facts and try to answer any questions they may have. Keep in mind that, depending on their age and maturity level, they may not fully understand. Be sure to use terms like “birth” and “adopted” family, rather than “real” family.
The main point is to bring up the subject of adoption as early as possible. This will present it as a more natural experience, rather than something to hide. Also, if you wait too long you run the risk of them finding out some other way. Learning from a relative is not how you want them to hear about it.
Sharing difficult details
Adoption is a wonderful expression of love, but every adoption begins with a loss. Be sensitive when sharing what you know about your child’s birth family. Be extra careful in how you share information concerning any type of abuse. You may choose to withhold certain facts until you believe they are mature enough. Seek professional counseling if there are parts of the story you simply cannot address.
Present the details of your child’s background as positively as you can. Openly share and discuss any photos or documents you may have obtained. Whenever possible, treat the subject of their birth parents with empathy and respect. Allow your child time to grieve their loss.
Answering hard questions
Children are naturally curious and ask many questions. An adopted child is no different. They will want to know who their birth parents are, what they look like and where they live. They may also ask about any birth siblings they may have. In open adoptions these questions are easily answered. In closed and foreign adoptions, they become much harder or even impossible.
Be honest about the things you know and don’t know. Be supportive if your child decides they want to learn more about their background. This does not mean they want to leave you. This is to be expected as kids get older and are searching for their identity. The internet and social media also make it more likely to find this information. Use caution and safe computing skills as you research their background together.
The underlying question will always concern why their birth parents couldn’t keep them. This may be the hardest question of all because of the strong emotions attached. Even if your child does not verbalize the question, it will be on their mind. Make sure they understand that it was nothing that they did. Explain that their birth parents most likely did what they felt was best for them. Let them know how happy you are to have them and reassure them that you will never leave.
Summary
- Bring up the subject of adoption early.
- Present it in an open, positive manner.
- Share sensitive information carefully.
When is the best time to talk to your child about being adopted? It could be right now. There is really no age that is too young, and you don’t want to wait too late. Many experts believe parents should begin at least by the time the child starts school.
Having “the talk”
In many ways talking about adoption is much like talking about “the facts of life.” Parents realize the topic is important. They do not want their child to hear about it from someone else. Still, parents may resist bringing the subject up.
Many adopted children may already have some awareness of their situation. In “open adoptions” they may have already had some contact with their birth parents. Children adopted from another country or race will realize they look different than the rest of the family.
If your child is ready to hear about where babies come from, they are ready to hear about where they came from. This does not mean you have to go into great detail. Share the basic facts and try to answer any questions they may have. Keep in mind that, depending on their age and maturity level, they may not fully understand. Be sure to use terms like “birth” and “adopted” family, rather than “real” family.
The main point is to bring up the subject of adoption as early as possible. This will present it as a more natural experience, rather than something to hide. Also, if you wait too long you run the risk of them finding out some other way. Learning from a relative is not how you want them to hear about it.
Sharing difficult details
Adoption is a wonderful expression of love, but every adoption begins with a loss. Be sensitive when sharing what you know about your child’s birth family. Be extra careful in how you share information concerning any type of abuse. You may choose to withhold certain facts until you believe they are mature enough. Seek professional counseling if there are parts of the story you simply cannot address.
Present the details of your child’s background as positively as you can. Openly share and discuss any photos or documents you may have obtained. Whenever possible, treat the subject of their birth parents with empathy and respect. Allow your child time to grieve their loss.
Answering hard questions
Children are naturally curious and ask many questions. An adopted child is no different. They will want to know who their birth parents are, what they look like and where they live. They may also ask about any birth siblings they may have. In open adoptions these questions are easily answered. In closed and foreign adoptions, they become much harder or even impossible.
Be honest about the things you know and don’t know. Be supportive if your child decides they want to learn more about their background. This does not mean they want to leave you. This is to be expected as kids get older and are searching for their identity. The internet and social media also make it more likely to find this information. Use caution and safe computing skills as you research their background together.
The underlying question will always concern why their birth parents couldn’t keep them. This may be the hardest question of all because of the strong emotions attached. Even if your child does not verbalize the question, it will be on their mind. Make sure they understand that it was nothing that they did. Explain that their birth parents most likely did what they felt was best for them. Let them know how happy you are to have them and reassure them that you will never leave.
Summary
- Bring up the subject of adoption early.
- Present it in an open, positive manner.
- Share sensitive information carefully.
When is the best time to talk to your child about being adopted? It could be right now. There is really no age that is too young, and you don’t want to wait too late. Many experts believe parents should begin at least by the time the child starts school.
Having “the talk”
In many ways talking about adoption is much like talking about “the facts of life.” Parents realize the topic is important. They do not want their child to hear about it from someone else. Still, parents may resist bringing the subject up.
Many adopted children may already have some awareness of their situation. In “open adoptions” they may have already had some contact with their birth parents. Children adopted from another country or race will realize they look different than the rest of the family.
If your child is ready to hear about where babies come from, they are ready to hear about where they came from. This does not mean you have to go into great detail. Share the basic facts and try to answer any questions they may have. Keep in mind that, depending on their age and maturity level, they may not fully understand. Be sure to use terms like “birth” and “adopted” family, rather than “real” family.
The main point is to bring up the subject of adoption as early as possible. This will present it as a more natural experience, rather than something to hide. Also, if you wait too long you run the risk of them finding out some other way. Learning from a relative is not how you want them to hear about it.
Sharing difficult details
Adoption is a wonderful expression of love, but every adoption begins with a loss. Be sensitive when sharing what you know about your child’s birth family. Be extra careful in how you share information concerning any type of abuse. You may choose to withhold certain facts until you believe they are mature enough. Seek professional counseling if there are parts of the story you simply cannot address.
Present the details of your child’s background as positively as you can. Openly share and discuss any photos or documents you may have obtained. Whenever possible, treat the subject of their birth parents with empathy and respect. Allow your child time to grieve their loss.
Answering hard questions
Children are naturally curious and ask many questions. An adopted child is no different. They will want to know who their birth parents are, what they look like and where they live. They may also ask about any birth siblings they may have. In open adoptions these questions are easily answered. In closed and foreign adoptions, they become much harder or even impossible.
Be honest about the things you know and don’t know. Be supportive if your child decides they want to learn more about their background. This does not mean they want to leave you. This is to be expected as kids get older and are searching for their identity. The internet and social media also make it more likely to find this information. Use caution and safe computing skills as you research their background together.
The underlying question will always concern why their birth parents couldn’t keep them. This may be the hardest question of all because of the strong emotions attached. Even if your child does not verbalize the question, it will be on their mind. Make sure they understand that it was nothing that they did. Explain that their birth parents most likely did what they felt was best for them. Let them know how happy you are to have them and reassure them that you will never leave.