Summary
- Use verbal support and education.
- Choose the right times to provide information.
- Make sure your approach is age-appropriate.
What can make it easier to talk?
Seize the right moment. Sometimes it is best to wait until a child asks a question or comments about a change. For instance, “Mommy, why do you sleep all the time?” While your immediate response might be to snap back that you are tired, you may want to think about using the moment to help the child understand what is going on in a matter-of-fact way. As long as you can keep your composure, try to provide clear simple reasons you might need sleep.
Match what you say to the age of the child. Whether questions are about you or another adult in a child’s life, it is best to be honest and choose appropriate amounts of information.
Keep information simple
- Explain in terms they can understand. For example: “I know it seems like Daddy is sleeping a lot these days, and I want to help you understand what happens with me that I need so much sleep. I know that when you are young and very healthy it is hard to imagine feeling sick or wanting to take lots of naps. However, do you remember when you had that stomach bug last year, and felt like you needed to be in bed for a few days? My illness is like that sometimes, where my body is under extra stress and needs to rest a lot, especially after I have a busy day.”
- With very young children, be careful to keep your explanation of illness or treatments simple. For example, “I need this medicine so I can feel well and be your mommy.”
- Use children’s books to read about the body and the jobs of all the organs. During that time, incorporate an explanation of your illness. For example: “The pancreas makes insulin, which allows the food you eat to give you energy. Daddy’s body doesn’t make insulin, so instead he takes shots.”
What about the really hard times?
With chronic illness there may be times that are scary and times that seem more normal for a child. After a scary moment, try to normalize the event as best as possible. For example:
- “The ambulance came because it’s the fastest way to get to the hospital where there are lots of doctors and nurses to help people that don’t feel well.”
- “Grandma is sick to her stomach because the medicine she takes to get well sometimes makes her nauseated. It’s unpleasant for her, but most people who take the same medicine have the same response and they feel sick just like Grandma. That’s one of the reasons she needs our love and attention right now.”
What else might be helpful?
- Let the child help. Children like to feel like there is something they can do to help. Children ages six to 11 can be asked to help in small, meaningful ways, such as creating art, making toast, getting slippers, watering plants or feeding a pet. Children 12 and older can take on bigger tasks and responsibilities.
- Understand that there are variable responses to illness issues. Be prepared for anger, sadness and sometimes inappropriate laughter. All of these reactions are possible. Asking what the child is thinking or feeling can provide insight into what is going on emotionally.
- Don’t provide overly eager reassurances, as this may trigger more fear than a child actually has to begin with. It may not have occurred to a child that the ill person would not be just fine.
- Be available to hear a child’s expression of grief, fear, anger and sadness. Validate these feelings as real and difficult. Chronic illness is often marked by progression of a disease, or decline in functioning. Children will have times when they are more aware of the illness than other times. Let the child know you are available to talk about any question or concern that comes up.
- Provide outlets. Ask the child if he would like to take an art class, read a book about the illness, or become active in a campaign to raise money for cure research.
- Engage your community. Think of your neighbors, friends, extended family and any groups you belong to as cushioning for the emotional impact of chronic illness. If it’s a parent who is sick, the child needs to know that there are other trusted adults who can take care of them and talk to them. Include the child in conversations about the helpfulness and reliability of the other adults around them.
Summary
- Use verbal support and education.
- Choose the right times to provide information.
- Make sure your approach is age-appropriate.
What can make it easier to talk?
Seize the right moment. Sometimes it is best to wait until a child asks a question or comments about a change. For instance, “Mommy, why do you sleep all the time?” While your immediate response might be to snap back that you are tired, you may want to think about using the moment to help the child understand what is going on in a matter-of-fact way. As long as you can keep your composure, try to provide clear simple reasons you might need sleep.
Match what you say to the age of the child. Whether questions are about you or another adult in a child’s life, it is best to be honest and choose appropriate amounts of information.
Keep information simple
- Explain in terms they can understand. For example: “I know it seems like Daddy is sleeping a lot these days, and I want to help you understand what happens with me that I need so much sleep. I know that when you are young and very healthy it is hard to imagine feeling sick or wanting to take lots of naps. However, do you remember when you had that stomach bug last year, and felt like you needed to be in bed for a few days? My illness is like that sometimes, where my body is under extra stress and needs to rest a lot, especially after I have a busy day.”
- With very young children, be careful to keep your explanation of illness or treatments simple. For example, “I need this medicine so I can feel well and be your mommy.”
- Use children’s books to read about the body and the jobs of all the organs. During that time, incorporate an explanation of your illness. For example: “The pancreas makes insulin, which allows the food you eat to give you energy. Daddy’s body doesn’t make insulin, so instead he takes shots.”
What about the really hard times?
With chronic illness there may be times that are scary and times that seem more normal for a child. After a scary moment, try to normalize the event as best as possible. For example:
- “The ambulance came because it’s the fastest way to get to the hospital where there are lots of doctors and nurses to help people that don’t feel well.”
- “Grandma is sick to her stomach because the medicine she takes to get well sometimes makes her nauseated. It’s unpleasant for her, but most people who take the same medicine have the same response and they feel sick just like Grandma. That’s one of the reasons she needs our love and attention right now.”
What else might be helpful?
- Let the child help. Children like to feel like there is something they can do to help. Children ages six to 11 can be asked to help in small, meaningful ways, such as creating art, making toast, getting slippers, watering plants or feeding a pet. Children 12 and older can take on bigger tasks and responsibilities.
- Understand that there are variable responses to illness issues. Be prepared for anger, sadness and sometimes inappropriate laughter. All of these reactions are possible. Asking what the child is thinking or feeling can provide insight into what is going on emotionally.
- Don’t provide overly eager reassurances, as this may trigger more fear than a child actually has to begin with. It may not have occurred to a child that the ill person would not be just fine.
- Be available to hear a child’s expression of grief, fear, anger and sadness. Validate these feelings as real and difficult. Chronic illness is often marked by progression of a disease, or decline in functioning. Children will have times when they are more aware of the illness than other times. Let the child know you are available to talk about any question or concern that comes up.
- Provide outlets. Ask the child if he would like to take an art class, read a book about the illness, or become active in a campaign to raise money for cure research.
- Engage your community. Think of your neighbors, friends, extended family and any groups you belong to as cushioning for the emotional impact of chronic illness. If it’s a parent who is sick, the child needs to know that there are other trusted adults who can take care of them and talk to them. Include the child in conversations about the helpfulness and reliability of the other adults around them.
Summary
- Use verbal support and education.
- Choose the right times to provide information.
- Make sure your approach is age-appropriate.
What can make it easier to talk?
Seize the right moment. Sometimes it is best to wait until a child asks a question or comments about a change. For instance, “Mommy, why do you sleep all the time?” While your immediate response might be to snap back that you are tired, you may want to think about using the moment to help the child understand what is going on in a matter-of-fact way. As long as you can keep your composure, try to provide clear simple reasons you might need sleep.
Match what you say to the age of the child. Whether questions are about you or another adult in a child’s life, it is best to be honest and choose appropriate amounts of information.
Keep information simple
- Explain in terms they can understand. For example: “I know it seems like Daddy is sleeping a lot these days, and I want to help you understand what happens with me that I need so much sleep. I know that when you are young and very healthy it is hard to imagine feeling sick or wanting to take lots of naps. However, do you remember when you had that stomach bug last year, and felt like you needed to be in bed for a few days? My illness is like that sometimes, where my body is under extra stress and needs to rest a lot, especially after I have a busy day.”
- With very young children, be careful to keep your explanation of illness or treatments simple. For example, “I need this medicine so I can feel well and be your mommy.”
- Use children’s books to read about the body and the jobs of all the organs. During that time, incorporate an explanation of your illness. For example: “The pancreas makes insulin, which allows the food you eat to give you energy. Daddy’s body doesn’t make insulin, so instead he takes shots.”
What about the really hard times?
With chronic illness there may be times that are scary and times that seem more normal for a child. After a scary moment, try to normalize the event as best as possible. For example:
- “The ambulance came because it’s the fastest way to get to the hospital where there are lots of doctors and nurses to help people that don’t feel well.”
- “Grandma is sick to her stomach because the medicine she takes to get well sometimes makes her nauseated. It’s unpleasant for her, but most people who take the same medicine have the same response and they feel sick just like Grandma. That’s one of the reasons she needs our love and attention right now.”
What else might be helpful?
- Let the child help. Children like to feel like there is something they can do to help. Children ages six to 11 can be asked to help in small, meaningful ways, such as creating art, making toast, getting slippers, watering plants or feeding a pet. Children 12 and older can take on bigger tasks and responsibilities.
- Understand that there are variable responses to illness issues. Be prepared for anger, sadness and sometimes inappropriate laughter. All of these reactions are possible. Asking what the child is thinking or feeling can provide insight into what is going on emotionally.
- Don’t provide overly eager reassurances, as this may trigger more fear than a child actually has to begin with. It may not have occurred to a child that the ill person would not be just fine.
- Be available to hear a child’s expression of grief, fear, anger and sadness. Validate these feelings as real and difficult. Chronic illness is often marked by progression of a disease, or decline in functioning. Children will have times when they are more aware of the illness than other times. Let the child know you are available to talk about any question or concern that comes up.
- Provide outlets. Ask the child if he would like to take an art class, read a book about the illness, or become active in a campaign to raise money for cure research.
- Engage your community. Think of your neighbors, friends, extended family and any groups you belong to as cushioning for the emotional impact of chronic illness. If it’s a parent who is sick, the child needs to know that there are other trusted adults who can take care of them and talk to them. Include the child in conversations about the helpfulness and reliability of the other adults around them.