Summary
It is important to think about death before you face it so you can:
- Make good use of your time
- Tie up loose ends
- Forgive and be forgiven
We joke about it or even talk about it as if it will never happen to us, but when death is staring us in the face, few of us know how to handle it.
Think about it, talk about it
“It’s probably best to think and talk about your own death or someone else’s before you are facing it,” says psychotherapist LeslieBeth Wish.
“The really important thing to do before you get sick is to decide how you want to spend the rest of your life, once you are sick,” she says. “The awareness of death allows you to make important decisions.”
Spend time on what matters
Long before you are forced by circumstances is a good time to start saying “no” to those things you never wanted to do in the first place. Once you accept the reality of death, you will shed emotional pounds by doing this, but don’t wait. Pare down your life now to what is most important to you.
You may want to devote more time to your family or to a special friend. Perhaps you have a favorite charity or cause you want to champion. Or, you might want to finish that book you started writing years ago. If you have never seen the Grand Canyon but wanted to, now may be a good time to take that trip.
Many people have “bucket” lists but if you do not, it’s never too early, or too late, to write one. If you have only a short amount of time left, think about how and where you want to spend it.
Set achievement goals
Wish likes the Buddhist approach to death, which indicates the best way to die is when you are in the process of achieving. In other words, die with your boots on. Do all you want to do, for as long as you can, before you die. Set a target to do something, and go for it. If we are always following our target path, we are always ready for whatever happens.
Tie up loose ends
Wish tells family members to make wish lists, and then talk about them so all overlapping interests can be handled while you or the loved one can make good decisions. Patch up loose ends. Get family disagreements, rivalries, and disappointments over sooner rather than later.
Make care and estate arrangements
You can make your wishes known for end-of-life care and estate arrangements by writing both a living will and a last will.
You can complete a living will on your own or, if you are admitted, a hospital will have you fill out papers outlining how you want to be cared for if you are near death.
Death will be on your mind as you write a last will, too. In it, you will announce how you want to divide your belongings. You will need to consider who will get what, after you are gone.
Embrace death
“The best way to deal with death is to embrace it,” Wish says. By that, she means acknowledge its inevitability, its power, and the naturalness of completing the path of life.
Grief coach Aurora Winter advises people to try to come to terms with their death or that of a loved one.
“Truly accept the situation as if you had chosen it,” Winter says. “Until you do, you will be living in victim’s energy.”
There are two good reasons to come to terms with death before you encounter it:
- Tying up unfinished business. We do not want to die or lose a loved one before we have said all we want to say or have done all we wanted to do with her. Don’t waste a minute, because you never know what is ahead for you or those you love.
- Practicing forgiveness. If we accept the fact that we or our loved one will die, we gain permission to forgive them or ourselves. That does not mean we have to forgive abuse from another person, but we may be able to understand why the abuse happened. Understanding is part of forgiveness, and it is OK to forgive in degrees. Forgiveness is a win-win decision: It liberates both the forgiver and the forgiven. It does not require words, only actions or thoughts.
If you are facing your own death or the death of a loved one, here are some guidelines:
- Don’t go it alone. Pick someone you can recruit for guidance. You will need this person, and he will be honored to be chosen for such an important task.
- Ask questions. Ask the doctor what to expect. Educate yourself on the disease, injury, or condition.
- Talk to family members. Do not leave people out of the loop, even if they have been unwilling to help or to participate in the past.
- Do not be a martyr. There is nothing generous about martyrdom. It belittles those the martyr says he is sacrificing for.
- Do not try to protect other people’s feelings. Facing death allows people a chance to grow. Do not deny anyone that chance, including you.
- Do not deny death. Look at the illness or injury. Talk about it. Call it what it is. Say the words. Do not rob yourself or others of a chance for closure.
- Do not treat life and death like a battle or a contest. There are things in life we cannot conquer. A person is not a failure for succumbing to an illness or injury. Give yourself and others permission to be weak, angry, and sad. It may be the best gift you can give someone at the most important moment in her life.
Summary
It is important to think about death before you face it so you can:
- Make good use of your time
- Tie up loose ends
- Forgive and be forgiven
We joke about it or even talk about it as if it will never happen to us, but when death is staring us in the face, few of us know how to handle it.
Think about it, talk about it
“It’s probably best to think and talk about your own death or someone else’s before you are facing it,” says psychotherapist LeslieBeth Wish.
“The really important thing to do before you get sick is to decide how you want to spend the rest of your life, once you are sick,” she says. “The awareness of death allows you to make important decisions.”
Spend time on what matters
Long before you are forced by circumstances is a good time to start saying “no” to those things you never wanted to do in the first place. Once you accept the reality of death, you will shed emotional pounds by doing this, but don’t wait. Pare down your life now to what is most important to you.
You may want to devote more time to your family or to a special friend. Perhaps you have a favorite charity or cause you want to champion. Or, you might want to finish that book you started writing years ago. If you have never seen the Grand Canyon but wanted to, now may be a good time to take that trip.
Many people have “bucket” lists but if you do not, it’s never too early, or too late, to write one. If you have only a short amount of time left, think about how and where you want to spend it.
Set achievement goals
Wish likes the Buddhist approach to death, which indicates the best way to die is when you are in the process of achieving. In other words, die with your boots on. Do all you want to do, for as long as you can, before you die. Set a target to do something, and go for it. If we are always following our target path, we are always ready for whatever happens.
Tie up loose ends
Wish tells family members to make wish lists, and then talk about them so all overlapping interests can be handled while you or the loved one can make good decisions. Patch up loose ends. Get family disagreements, rivalries, and disappointments over sooner rather than later.
Make care and estate arrangements
You can make your wishes known for end-of-life care and estate arrangements by writing both a living will and a last will.
You can complete a living will on your own or, if you are admitted, a hospital will have you fill out papers outlining how you want to be cared for if you are near death.
Death will be on your mind as you write a last will, too. In it, you will announce how you want to divide your belongings. You will need to consider who will get what, after you are gone.
Embrace death
“The best way to deal with death is to embrace it,” Wish says. By that, she means acknowledge its inevitability, its power, and the naturalness of completing the path of life.
Grief coach Aurora Winter advises people to try to come to terms with their death or that of a loved one.
“Truly accept the situation as if you had chosen it,” Winter says. “Until you do, you will be living in victim’s energy.”
There are two good reasons to come to terms with death before you encounter it:
- Tying up unfinished business. We do not want to die or lose a loved one before we have said all we want to say or have done all we wanted to do with her. Don’t waste a minute, because you never know what is ahead for you or those you love.
- Practicing forgiveness. If we accept the fact that we or our loved one will die, we gain permission to forgive them or ourselves. That does not mean we have to forgive abuse from another person, but we may be able to understand why the abuse happened. Understanding is part of forgiveness, and it is OK to forgive in degrees. Forgiveness is a win-win decision: It liberates both the forgiver and the forgiven. It does not require words, only actions or thoughts.
If you are facing your own death or the death of a loved one, here are some guidelines:
- Don’t go it alone. Pick someone you can recruit for guidance. You will need this person, and he will be honored to be chosen for such an important task.
- Ask questions. Ask the doctor what to expect. Educate yourself on the disease, injury, or condition.
- Talk to family members. Do not leave people out of the loop, even if they have been unwilling to help or to participate in the past.
- Do not be a martyr. There is nothing generous about martyrdom. It belittles those the martyr says he is sacrificing for.
- Do not try to protect other people’s feelings. Facing death allows people a chance to grow. Do not deny anyone that chance, including you.
- Do not deny death. Look at the illness or injury. Talk about it. Call it what it is. Say the words. Do not rob yourself or others of a chance for closure.
- Do not treat life and death like a battle or a contest. There are things in life we cannot conquer. A person is not a failure for succumbing to an illness or injury. Give yourself and others permission to be weak, angry, and sad. It may be the best gift you can give someone at the most important moment in her life.
Summary
It is important to think about death before you face it so you can:
- Make good use of your time
- Tie up loose ends
- Forgive and be forgiven
We joke about it or even talk about it as if it will never happen to us, but when death is staring us in the face, few of us know how to handle it.
Think about it, talk about it
“It’s probably best to think and talk about your own death or someone else’s before you are facing it,” says psychotherapist LeslieBeth Wish.
“The really important thing to do before you get sick is to decide how you want to spend the rest of your life, once you are sick,” she says. “The awareness of death allows you to make important decisions.”
Spend time on what matters
Long before you are forced by circumstances is a good time to start saying “no” to those things you never wanted to do in the first place. Once you accept the reality of death, you will shed emotional pounds by doing this, but don’t wait. Pare down your life now to what is most important to you.
You may want to devote more time to your family or to a special friend. Perhaps you have a favorite charity or cause you want to champion. Or, you might want to finish that book you started writing years ago. If you have never seen the Grand Canyon but wanted to, now may be a good time to take that trip.
Many people have “bucket” lists but if you do not, it’s never too early, or too late, to write one. If you have only a short amount of time left, think about how and where you want to spend it.
Set achievement goals
Wish likes the Buddhist approach to death, which indicates the best way to die is when you are in the process of achieving. In other words, die with your boots on. Do all you want to do, for as long as you can, before you die. Set a target to do something, and go for it. If we are always following our target path, we are always ready for whatever happens.
Tie up loose ends
Wish tells family members to make wish lists, and then talk about them so all overlapping interests can be handled while you or the loved one can make good decisions. Patch up loose ends. Get family disagreements, rivalries, and disappointments over sooner rather than later.
Make care and estate arrangements
You can make your wishes known for end-of-life care and estate arrangements by writing both a living will and a last will.
You can complete a living will on your own or, if you are admitted, a hospital will have you fill out papers outlining how you want to be cared for if you are near death.
Death will be on your mind as you write a last will, too. In it, you will announce how you want to divide your belongings. You will need to consider who will get what, after you are gone.
Embrace death
“The best way to deal with death is to embrace it,” Wish says. By that, she means acknowledge its inevitability, its power, and the naturalness of completing the path of life.
Grief coach Aurora Winter advises people to try to come to terms with their death or that of a loved one.
“Truly accept the situation as if you had chosen it,” Winter says. “Until you do, you will be living in victim’s energy.”
There are two good reasons to come to terms with death before you encounter it:
- Tying up unfinished business. We do not want to die or lose a loved one before we have said all we want to say or have done all we wanted to do with her. Don’t waste a minute, because you never know what is ahead for you or those you love.
- Practicing forgiveness. If we accept the fact that we or our loved one will die, we gain permission to forgive them or ourselves. That does not mean we have to forgive abuse from another person, but we may be able to understand why the abuse happened. Understanding is part of forgiveness, and it is OK to forgive in degrees. Forgiveness is a win-win decision: It liberates both the forgiver and the forgiven. It does not require words, only actions or thoughts.
If you are facing your own death or the death of a loved one, here are some guidelines:
- Don’t go it alone. Pick someone you can recruit for guidance. You will need this person, and he will be honored to be chosen for such an important task.
- Ask questions. Ask the doctor what to expect. Educate yourself on the disease, injury, or condition.
- Talk to family members. Do not leave people out of the loop, even if they have been unwilling to help or to participate in the past.
- Do not be a martyr. There is nothing generous about martyrdom. It belittles those the martyr says he is sacrificing for.
- Do not try to protect other people’s feelings. Facing death allows people a chance to grow. Do not deny anyone that chance, including you.
- Do not deny death. Look at the illness or injury. Talk about it. Call it what it is. Say the words. Do not rob yourself or others of a chance for closure.
- Do not treat life and death like a battle or a contest. There are things in life we cannot conquer. A person is not a failure for succumbing to an illness or injury. Give yourself and others permission to be weak, angry, and sad. It may be the best gift you can give someone at the most important moment in her life.