Summary
The five love languages:
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Gifts
- Acts of service
When it comes to raising children, so much depends on having a strong foundation of love. A child who feels loved can do his best, develop a healthy sense of self-esteem and grow into a loving, responsible adult.
Now think of how you express love to your child. Is it through physical affection? Spending time together? Buying gifts? It’s probably through a variety of ways. In their book, The 5 Love Languages of Children, Gary Chapman, PhD, and Ross Campbell, MD, call these love languages.
“Every child has a primary language of love, a way in which he or she understands a parent’s love best,” Drs. Chapman and Campbell say. “You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it—she will not feel loved.”
Learning how to speak your child’s love language can help the child truly feel loved. Consider the five love languages described by Drs. Chapman and Campbell:
- Physical touch. Kids who speak this language love hugs, kisses and pats on the back. This language can also be spoken through playing games, especially contact games or gentle roughhousing. If your child craves physical touch, make time to snuggle together on the couch, rub your child’s hair or back, and give him a high-five when he does something well.
- Words of affirmation. Words are a powerful way of showing love. A child who speaks this language thrives on words of praise and encouragement. This goes beyond saying, “I love you.” Words of affirmation are most effective when they are focused on a specific effort or accomplishment. Leave encouraging notes in your child’s lunchbox and display your child’s artwork somewhere visible and “important.”
- Quality time. Focused, undivided attention sends the message that your child is important. Parents are busy, and fitting in quality time isn’t always easy. But quality time doesn’t have to mean a special excursion or event. You can have quality time when preparing meals, during a bedtime routine or ritual, or while riding in the car.
- Gifts. Gifts can be a meaningful display of love, but this love language comes with a warning. It can be tempting to shower children with gifts in place of other love languages. Choose gifts carefully. Make sure they are meaningful. Gifts should be genuine expressions of love, not bribery. And this love language must always be present with other expressions of love.
- Acts of service. A child who speaks this love language senses love through the things you do for him. He feels loved when you help with his homework, make him a Halloween costume or help him make his bed. For these children, acts of service equal emotional love.
What is my child’s love language?
Children, and adults, too, for that matter, can benefit from all five love languages. But chances are your child has a primary language, one that he responds to best, or even craves. To find your child’s love language, you need to look for clues. This can take time, especially with younger children. If you have several children in your family, it’s likely that they each speak a different love language. The following strategies can help you determine your child’s primary love language:
- Observe how your child expresses love to you. Chances are he is using his primary love language.
- Observe how your child expresses love to others. A child who loves receiving gifts, for example, assumes others feel the same when they receive a gift.
- Listen to what your child requests most often. A child who frequently asks for you to watch him do something is requesting quality time. A child who asks for comments on homework is seeking words of affirmation.
- Notice what your child most frequently complains about. Sure, all children complain, but when complaints fall into a pattern, it could mean your child is seeking something from you.
- Give your child a choice between two love language options. For example, “I have some extra time. Would you like me to help with your homework (an act of service), or would you like to go for a walk with me (quality time)?”
Once you’ve found your child’s love language, you might find you develop a stronger relationship with your child. Most parents love their children and want them to feel loved. Understanding your child’s love language is all about knowing how to show that love.
Summary
The five love languages:
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Gifts
- Acts of service
When it comes to raising children, so much depends on having a strong foundation of love. A child who feels loved can do his best, develop a healthy sense of self-esteem and grow into a loving, responsible adult.
Now think of how you express love to your child. Is it through physical affection? Spending time together? Buying gifts? It’s probably through a variety of ways. In their book, The 5 Love Languages of Children, Gary Chapman, PhD, and Ross Campbell, MD, call these love languages.
“Every child has a primary language of love, a way in which he or she understands a parent’s love best,” Drs. Chapman and Campbell say. “You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it—she will not feel loved.”
Learning how to speak your child’s love language can help the child truly feel loved. Consider the five love languages described by Drs. Chapman and Campbell:
- Physical touch. Kids who speak this language love hugs, kisses and pats on the back. This language can also be spoken through playing games, especially contact games or gentle roughhousing. If your child craves physical touch, make time to snuggle together on the couch, rub your child’s hair or back, and give him a high-five when he does something well.
- Words of affirmation. Words are a powerful way of showing love. A child who speaks this language thrives on words of praise and encouragement. This goes beyond saying, “I love you.” Words of affirmation are most effective when they are focused on a specific effort or accomplishment. Leave encouraging notes in your child’s lunchbox and display your child’s artwork somewhere visible and “important.”
- Quality time. Focused, undivided attention sends the message that your child is important. Parents are busy, and fitting in quality time isn’t always easy. But quality time doesn’t have to mean a special excursion or event. You can have quality time when preparing meals, during a bedtime routine or ritual, or while riding in the car.
- Gifts. Gifts can be a meaningful display of love, but this love language comes with a warning. It can be tempting to shower children with gifts in place of other love languages. Choose gifts carefully. Make sure they are meaningful. Gifts should be genuine expressions of love, not bribery. And this love language must always be present with other expressions of love.
- Acts of service. A child who speaks this love language senses love through the things you do for him. He feels loved when you help with his homework, make him a Halloween costume or help him make his bed. For these children, acts of service equal emotional love.
What is my child’s love language?
Children, and adults, too, for that matter, can benefit from all five love languages. But chances are your child has a primary language, one that he responds to best, or even craves. To find your child’s love language, you need to look for clues. This can take time, especially with younger children. If you have several children in your family, it’s likely that they each speak a different love language. The following strategies can help you determine your child’s primary love language:
- Observe how your child expresses love to you. Chances are he is using his primary love language.
- Observe how your child expresses love to others. A child who loves receiving gifts, for example, assumes others feel the same when they receive a gift.
- Listen to what your child requests most often. A child who frequently asks for you to watch him do something is requesting quality time. A child who asks for comments on homework is seeking words of affirmation.
- Notice what your child most frequently complains about. Sure, all children complain, but when complaints fall into a pattern, it could mean your child is seeking something from you.
- Give your child a choice between two love language options. For example, “I have some extra time. Would you like me to help with your homework (an act of service), or would you like to go for a walk with me (quality time)?”
Once you’ve found your child’s love language, you might find you develop a stronger relationship with your child. Most parents love their children and want them to feel loved. Understanding your child’s love language is all about knowing how to show that love.
Summary
The five love languages:
- Physical touch
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Gifts
- Acts of service
When it comes to raising children, so much depends on having a strong foundation of love. A child who feels loved can do his best, develop a healthy sense of self-esteem and grow into a loving, responsible adult.
Now think of how you express love to your child. Is it through physical affection? Spending time together? Buying gifts? It’s probably through a variety of ways. In their book, The 5 Love Languages of Children, Gary Chapman, PhD, and Ross Campbell, MD, call these love languages.
“Every child has a primary language of love, a way in which he or she understands a parent’s love best,” Drs. Chapman and Campbell say. “You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it—she will not feel loved.”
Learning how to speak your child’s love language can help the child truly feel loved. Consider the five love languages described by Drs. Chapman and Campbell:
- Physical touch. Kids who speak this language love hugs, kisses and pats on the back. This language can also be spoken through playing games, especially contact games or gentle roughhousing. If your child craves physical touch, make time to snuggle together on the couch, rub your child’s hair or back, and give him a high-five when he does something well.
- Words of affirmation. Words are a powerful way of showing love. A child who speaks this language thrives on words of praise and encouragement. This goes beyond saying, “I love you.” Words of affirmation are most effective when they are focused on a specific effort or accomplishment. Leave encouraging notes in your child’s lunchbox and display your child’s artwork somewhere visible and “important.”
- Quality time. Focused, undivided attention sends the message that your child is important. Parents are busy, and fitting in quality time isn’t always easy. But quality time doesn’t have to mean a special excursion or event. You can have quality time when preparing meals, during a bedtime routine or ritual, or while riding in the car.
- Gifts. Gifts can be a meaningful display of love, but this love language comes with a warning. It can be tempting to shower children with gifts in place of other love languages. Choose gifts carefully. Make sure they are meaningful. Gifts should be genuine expressions of love, not bribery. And this love language must always be present with other expressions of love.
- Acts of service. A child who speaks this love language senses love through the things you do for him. He feels loved when you help with his homework, make him a Halloween costume or help him make his bed. For these children, acts of service equal emotional love.
What is my child’s love language?
Children, and adults, too, for that matter, can benefit from all five love languages. But chances are your child has a primary language, one that he responds to best, or even craves. To find your child’s love language, you need to look for clues. This can take time, especially with younger children. If you have several children in your family, it’s likely that they each speak a different love language. The following strategies can help you determine your child’s primary love language:
- Observe how your child expresses love to you. Chances are he is using his primary love language.
- Observe how your child expresses love to others. A child who loves receiving gifts, for example, assumes others feel the same when they receive a gift.
- Listen to what your child requests most often. A child who frequently asks for you to watch him do something is requesting quality time. A child who asks for comments on homework is seeking words of affirmation.
- Notice what your child most frequently complains about. Sure, all children complain, but when complaints fall into a pattern, it could mean your child is seeking something from you.
- Give your child a choice between two love language options. For example, “I have some extra time. Would you like me to help with your homework (an act of service), or would you like to go for a walk with me (quality time)?”
Once you’ve found your child’s love language, you might find you develop a stronger relationship with your child. Most parents love their children and want them to feel loved. Understanding your child’s love language is all about knowing how to show that love.