Summary
- Get to know them.
- Try not to criticize them to your spouse.
- Adopt holiday traditions that are important to them.
Marriage is a package deal. You not only get a spouse, but you get that person’s parents, siblings, and other relatives. Ideally, you and your in-laws will hit it off and you’ll have a close and loving relationship. If you don’t get along, that can create tension in your marriage. Whether you adore your in-laws or merely tolerate them, there are steps you can take to create a healthy relationship with your spouse’s family.
Getting along
- Get to know your in-laws. Spend time with them. Interact on social media or send emails. Ask questions. Try to accept them for who they are.
- Set boundaries. This is especially important if you have children. If you don’t like drop-in visitors, ask your in-laws to call ahead of time. It’s OK to let grandparents, aunts, and uncles indulge your children a little. But make it clear what you won’t allow. Staying up an hour past bedtime may be fine. Staying up past midnight may not be.
- Avoid hot topics. You probably know where you and your in-laws disagree. Stay away from those subjects.
- Respect your spouse’s privacy. She may not want you to reveal everything about your marriage or her personal life to her parents.
Resolving conflict
- Control your emotions. Try not to lose your temper with your in-laws. Angry words can do lasting damage.
- Don’t criticize your in-laws to your spouse. Even if he’s angry with them, they’re still his family. It’s likely to upset him to hear you talk unkindly of them.
- Take your spouse’s side in a conflict with your in-laws. It’s important to present a united front. Your spouse also needs to know that you support her.
- Speak directly to your in-laws if something is bothering you. Don’t ask your spouse to talk to them for you. That can lead to misunderstandings and more hurt feelings.
Celebrating the holidays
- Before the holiday season, decide which holidays you’ll spend with which set of in-laws. You might want to switch off each year. If you don’t want to or can’t spend holidays with your in-laws, choose another time to be with them. You might make up for missing them on Christmas by hosting them for a special visit in January.
- Give your in-laws a say in how you’ll celebrate the holidays together.
- Carry out traditions from both families. Try to choose the ones that are most important to your in-laws. It will mean a lot to them to see their beloved customs continued by the next generation.
Summary
- Get to know them.
- Try not to criticize them to your spouse.
- Adopt holiday traditions that are important to them.
Marriage is a package deal. You not only get a spouse, but you get that person’s parents, siblings, and other relatives. Ideally, you and your in-laws will hit it off and you’ll have a close and loving relationship. If you don’t get along, that can create tension in your marriage. Whether you adore your in-laws or merely tolerate them, there are steps you can take to create a healthy relationship with your spouse’s family.
Getting along
- Get to know your in-laws. Spend time with them. Interact on social media or send emails. Ask questions. Try to accept them for who they are.
- Set boundaries. This is especially important if you have children. If you don’t like drop-in visitors, ask your in-laws to call ahead of time. It’s OK to let grandparents, aunts, and uncles indulge your children a little. But make it clear what you won’t allow. Staying up an hour past bedtime may be fine. Staying up past midnight may not be.
- Avoid hot topics. You probably know where you and your in-laws disagree. Stay away from those subjects.
- Respect your spouse’s privacy. She may not want you to reveal everything about your marriage or her personal life to her parents.
Resolving conflict
- Control your emotions. Try not to lose your temper with your in-laws. Angry words can do lasting damage.
- Don’t criticize your in-laws to your spouse. Even if he’s angry with them, they’re still his family. It’s likely to upset him to hear you talk unkindly of them.
- Take your spouse’s side in a conflict with your in-laws. It’s important to present a united front. Your spouse also needs to know that you support her.
- Speak directly to your in-laws if something is bothering you. Don’t ask your spouse to talk to them for you. That can lead to misunderstandings and more hurt feelings.
Celebrating the holidays
- Before the holiday season, decide which holidays you’ll spend with which set of in-laws. You might want to switch off each year. If you don’t want to or can’t spend holidays with your in-laws, choose another time to be with them. You might make up for missing them on Christmas by hosting them for a special visit in January.
- Give your in-laws a say in how you’ll celebrate the holidays together.
- Carry out traditions from both families. Try to choose the ones that are most important to your in-laws. It will mean a lot to them to see their beloved customs continued by the next generation.
Summary
- Get to know them.
- Try not to criticize them to your spouse.
- Adopt holiday traditions that are important to them.
Marriage is a package deal. You not only get a spouse, but you get that person’s parents, siblings, and other relatives. Ideally, you and your in-laws will hit it off and you’ll have a close and loving relationship. If you don’t get along, that can create tension in your marriage. Whether you adore your in-laws or merely tolerate them, there are steps you can take to create a healthy relationship with your spouse’s family.
Getting along
- Get to know your in-laws. Spend time with them. Interact on social media or send emails. Ask questions. Try to accept them for who they are.
- Set boundaries. This is especially important if you have children. If you don’t like drop-in visitors, ask your in-laws to call ahead of time. It’s OK to let grandparents, aunts, and uncles indulge your children a little. But make it clear what you won’t allow. Staying up an hour past bedtime may be fine. Staying up past midnight may not be.
- Avoid hot topics. You probably know where you and your in-laws disagree. Stay away from those subjects.
- Respect your spouse’s privacy. She may not want you to reveal everything about your marriage or her personal life to her parents.
Resolving conflict
- Control your emotions. Try not to lose your temper with your in-laws. Angry words can do lasting damage.
- Don’t criticize your in-laws to your spouse. Even if he’s angry with them, they’re still his family. It’s likely to upset him to hear you talk unkindly of them.
- Take your spouse’s side in a conflict with your in-laws. It’s important to present a united front. Your spouse also needs to know that you support her.
- Speak directly to your in-laws if something is bothering you. Don’t ask your spouse to talk to them for you. That can lead to misunderstandings and more hurt feelings.
Celebrating the holidays
- Before the holiday season, decide which holidays you’ll spend with which set of in-laws. You might want to switch off each year. If you don’t want to or can’t spend holidays with your in-laws, choose another time to be with them. You might make up for missing them on Christmas by hosting them for a special visit in January.
- Give your in-laws a say in how you’ll celebrate the holidays together.
- Carry out traditions from both families. Try to choose the ones that are most important to your in-laws. It will mean a lot to them to see their beloved customs continued by the next generation.