We may not be able to control our feelings completely. But we can learn to manage them. Talking about your feelings can help. But it should be done in a way that benefits you and others. It helps to avoid common mistakes when expressing your feelings, too.
Why you should express your feelings
Talking about your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor is good for you. Keeping them in can make you feel depressed and anxious. It can also affect you physically, causing headaches, high blood pressure and other ailments.
Some “dos” to consider
First, identify your feelings. Are you feeling sad or frustrated? Lonely or disappointed? Tune in to your mind and body. Come up with specific words that describe exactly how you feel. Write them down if it helps.
When you talk about your feelings, it also might help to:
- Describe the degree of your feelings. Are you furious or mildly irritated?
- Use “I” messages: “I feel _________ when __________.”
- Take full responsibility for your feelings, rather than blame others. Other people’s behavior may bother you, but your response is up to you.
- If possible, choose a “safe” audience. This is someone who is willing to listen without interrupting or judging.
- Talk to a clergyman, counselor or mental health professional if needed.
A few “don’ts”
As helpful as it is to talk about your feelings, there are some cautions to consider.
- Talking “at” or blaming the listener
- Forcing an unwilling person to listen to you
- Re-hashing an upsetting event over and over. Repeatedly talking about it might rekindle negative feelings that you had vented with the first telling
- Confusing the listener with your body language, such as smiling when you are angry
- Talking only about negative feelings
- Expecting others to feel the same way you do
- Demanding that others share their feelings with you
The purpose of talking about a feeling is to let it out in a positive way so that it stops bothering you. Consider professional help if a particular feeling such as anxiety or depression doesn’t go away.
We may not be able to control our feelings completely. But we can learn to manage them. Talking about your feelings can help. But it should be done in a way that benefits you and others. It helps to avoid common mistakes when expressing your feelings, too.
Why you should express your feelings
Talking about your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor is good for you. Keeping them in can make you feel depressed and anxious. It can also affect you physically, causing headaches, high blood pressure and other ailments.
Some “dos” to consider
First, identify your feelings. Are you feeling sad or frustrated? Lonely or disappointed? Tune in to your mind and body. Come up with specific words that describe exactly how you feel. Write them down if it helps.
When you talk about your feelings, it also might help to:
- Describe the degree of your feelings. Are you furious or mildly irritated?
- Use “I” messages: “I feel _________ when __________.”
- Take full responsibility for your feelings, rather than blame others. Other people’s behavior may bother you, but your response is up to you.
- If possible, choose a “safe” audience. This is someone who is willing to listen without interrupting or judging.
- Talk to a clergyman, counselor or mental health professional if needed.
A few “don’ts”
As helpful as it is to talk about your feelings, there are some cautions to consider.
- Talking “at” or blaming the listener
- Forcing an unwilling person to listen to you
- Re-hashing an upsetting event over and over. Repeatedly talking about it might rekindle negative feelings that you had vented with the first telling
- Confusing the listener with your body language, such as smiling when you are angry
- Talking only about negative feelings
- Expecting others to feel the same way you do
- Demanding that others share their feelings with you
The purpose of talking about a feeling is to let it out in a positive way so that it stops bothering you. Consider professional help if a particular feeling such as anxiety or depression doesn’t go away.
We may not be able to control our feelings completely. But we can learn to manage them. Talking about your feelings can help. But it should be done in a way that benefits you and others. It helps to avoid common mistakes when expressing your feelings, too.
Why you should express your feelings
Talking about your feelings with a trusted friend or counselor is good for you. Keeping them in can make you feel depressed and anxious. It can also affect you physically, causing headaches, high blood pressure and other ailments.
Some “dos” to consider
First, identify your feelings. Are you feeling sad or frustrated? Lonely or disappointed? Tune in to your mind and body. Come up with specific words that describe exactly how you feel. Write them down if it helps.
When you talk about your feelings, it also might help to:
- Describe the degree of your feelings. Are you furious or mildly irritated?
- Use “I” messages: “I feel _________ when __________.”
- Take full responsibility for your feelings, rather than blame others. Other people’s behavior may bother you, but your response is up to you.
- If possible, choose a “safe” audience. This is someone who is willing to listen without interrupting or judging.
- Talk to a clergyman, counselor or mental health professional if needed.
A few “don’ts”
As helpful as it is to talk about your feelings, there are some cautions to consider.
- Talking “at” or blaming the listener
- Forcing an unwilling person to listen to you
- Re-hashing an upsetting event over and over. Repeatedly talking about it might rekindle negative feelings that you had vented with the first telling
- Confusing the listener with your body language, such as smiling when you are angry
- Talking only about negative feelings
- Expecting others to feel the same way you do
- Demanding that others share their feelings with you
The purpose of talking about a feeling is to let it out in a positive way so that it stops bothering you. Consider professional help if a particular feeling such as anxiety or depression doesn’t go away.