Fresh Start in the New Year

Posted Mar 25, 2021


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Welcome everybody. I'm Wendy Wolner. I'm thrilled to be here today to talk to about a super amazing conversation. Um, so let me just set some expectations. This is not meant to be a lecture. Um, so do not sit back and just chill. This is an interactive discussion debate conversation as if we're all sitting together in the living room, or, uh, maybe since some of us are beautiful weather, nice outside, um, outside conversation. Um, this is a very personal class, so I want to congratulate you for taking it. And it honestly is an honor to be able to talk to you today. Um, we've got a nice sized group. Um, we do use the chat, not the Q and a, you can see the dropdown. I am the host, uh, the presenter. So if you send it to me, um, it took totally confidential, never repeat anybody's names.

Um, but, um, you came here to learn about, um, how to start a new start. Um, this is a new class, a fresh start for this class. Uh, it's something I'm super passionate about. Um, little bit about me. I'm Wendy. I have been a full-time trainer for about 28 years. I'm trained in cognitive behavioral therapy, went on to do work in human resources and industrial psychology before I founded my own training company. And I'm here on behalf of beacon, which is an honor to, um, be here to really deliver state-of-the-art different conversations. Um, you know, it's interesting because when we first started talking about having this class, it was about a year ago. And then of course we all know what happened a year ago. It's been a year of, uh, really a lot of introspection. Uh, this year has taught us, um, on every level, the world, uh, to rethink life.

Um, and so we continued writing this class and really started to formulate it right around the time when we start talking about new year's resolutions, um, which I'm all about talking about new year's resolutions by the way, but really this class is so much better. Um, in the meantime, um, I mentioned to you, I'm a business owner. Um, so women business owner shout out for international women's day yesterday. Um, I had gone back for an executive MBA and I was very pleasantly surprised if this is a full year class or, um, mandated class, if you were to go back for an executive MBA today. Um, and so that is my long-winded introduction to me. Um, I am a mom, I have three grown children, 28, 29 and 31. Um, I stopped for a minute because one of them is shortly having a birthday. So their ages, teens, um, I was a single mom and, um, I am a devoted daughter.

My mom is 85 and super excited that yesterday he got both her vaccines. So we're here because this is a personal class. Um, this is the class that you chose to take an hour or so out of your busy life. And so the best thing I can do is invite you to not multitask. So let me ask you, we've been together for three minutes, just three minutes, use that chat feature and tell me how many of you have needed a whopping three minutes without emails or are multitasking? How many of you are, um, are, are, are with me? We, we say be here now. Um, say me or say, not me if you're a little guilty of multitasking, say me or not me use that chat teacher to let me hear from you.

Oh yeah, you have some needs. I've got some, not me. So it gives you an idea. I don't think I can be boring yet. Um, I haven't had enough time to be boring. Um, so for those of you, you're honest enough to share with me, um, that you felt that you must multitask unless it's your children or maybe your pad or something that needs your attention. Um, I'm going to ask you to really be here now. Um, and I appreciate you not blaming me, but I really want to motivate you, um, to be here, you know, um, I exercise every morning and I'm sure many of us do, and I always think the best trainers, the one that engaged me the best are the ones who invite me to really truly focus. Um, and, um, we've got some fights with WebEx going on. I totally understand that.

Um, and I'm grateful that you got in and that everything's okay right now. And I know there's a number of you growing that are, that are, uh, uh, joining, um, every minute. So today we're really going to talk about what's the end result and that tap your own personal mission statement to really create your own brand, who you are. Um, you know, and if you are lucky enough or, or if you are in a family situation and have a significant other or children, this is great homework conversation with your families tonight. Um, so that you can really sit down and say, you know what, at the end of the day, these are my non-negotiables, these are absolutely the absolute foundation of where I am and to talk about how we deal with not just, I would say disappointment, but really the fear of failure and for some, even the fear of success.

Um, but by the end of the hour, and I promise, we'll get you out a little bit early. I want us to feel incredibly hopeful. And I, and I'm going to start with something that I, I hope that we all agree upon. Um, in the last six months, this world, our, our world, our scientific world got together and created three and even more vaccines that normally take up to 10 years or more to do as of this morning, many, many millions here in New York, even more the, uh, the rule was just changed this morning to include more. Um, we live in a world that when we create a goal and when we create a vision, there is literally no us at hyper speed. So when we go forward with this, I'm hoping that analogy works a little bit with you. I want to be clear. I am not a motivational speaker, but I am based upon research science, extremely inspired in what we have yet to do. That's what you've joined for. Um, what does that sound like to you? Is that the right class, thoughts, feelings, feedback, how are we doing so far on why you're here?

Is there anything particular that you want to make sure, like, I really hope Wendy, you can hear me. Okay. Some feedback I need to hear from a few more people, please. So we've got some sounds good. Two, three more people sending you off. Okay. People are hearing fine. Is it the class that you feel like you signed up for?


Some people are just saying, I'm just here. I just want to hear some new things. Perfect. So you might've heard the term were stored. Um, it is used in some native Americans, but also in other cultures. Um, and some people were saying, I didn't even know, um, Oh, what they signed up for and that's awesome. So you can help mend, or I work for you. Um, ask me anything that you might be interested in as well. And I will make sure I will do my very best to cover it. Um, what we do need to determine is where do we want to end up? So, um, when we talk about it in our store and I happen to personally really love this, I have a friend that has taught me, um, nor store she, she that's her, um, her value in that she puts people in her life that help her get to her North store and what her North star means that it helps you determine who you are.

And I do think that for some of us, we've done a great job. And for others of us, we've lost our ways. Um, maybe it's because our situation turned. I can tell you when I got divorced, it rocked my values. Um, when my father died, it rocked my values again, um, dealing with anxiety, but all of life responsibility and ultimately guilt for not being able to do it all. You know, that's a great reason to be here because defining our mission statement may be about determining what is realistic and not in our life. And we may decide that we need to make a different promise to ourselves. Um, so when a baby is born, they immediately instinctively know how to self-sooth. Um, we might help them by pushing the pacifier in their mouth or their thumb, but they know how to suck because the sucking movement actually sues everybody or anyone that's seen a baby knows that they they've learned that.

And some even cried to themselves to sleep. And that self Suze, I don't really know what happened. That we changed that where we took that away from babies, where we said not going to do, um, we're not going to do that anymore. Um, but one of the definitions of a mission statement is that we make a promise to ourselves to be able to comfort ourselves and to be as nice to ourselves as we are to anyone else. So when you know where you're going, the really greatest example is if you were to plan a vacation, tell me if I said to you, you know, I just want to go on vacation. I just, I just want to go on vacation. What would you ask me? I just want to go away. I just need a break. I'm just going to go on vacation.

What would you ask me? I'm your friend. Maybe we're having a glass of wine or a nice cup of tea. Where, where do you want to go? I want to go somewhere one summer, one. I just want to go somewhere warm where I can chill and relax. So find me somewhere warm and chill and relaxing. That's what I want to do. What would you say that maybe you tell me to go to Hawaii? Maybe you say a beach, right? You know what I love about this analogy, what it does, and we can relate to this because it's very real. People say this all the time. We have to do a lot of work in this class. And the first one is on this slide. I could spend a year just on this slide. I don't know. At some point where you were maybe a child where people said to you, what do you want to be when you grow up?

And you, we all lived in a, we want to be a firefighter and the president and the sanitation worker. And we filled in the blank with everything, right? Somewhere along the line, we lost sight to turning our North store. We went through autopilot and we just said, we want to go on a beach. And maybe we do. We end up on a beautiful beach in Florida on the beach in Florida is nice. But really our deepest, darkest dream was to be on the black beaches in Costa Rica. But we forgot about it. I'm inviting you to really think about this, to think about what turns you on to think about your North star in a way that says I have never felt happier than when I,


Grandma Moses started painting. Anybody want to guess what age she found her North star. Just give a guess. What age did grandma Moses started painting painted about 108 paintings before she died. She started at about 85 at 85 years old. Grandma Moses found her North store. So when you're going through this, I want to be clear about what happens if you don't. Now there's no judgment in what I'm about to say, but if you do what I do for a living, people come to me all the time and say, I wish I had, um, had children, or I wish I had, you know, been a better, uh, spouse or partner or parent. I wish I'd been a better daughter or son. I wish I had given back to the community. That's what happens when we move forward without a mission statement, we literally just wing, like we just plan a vacation that doesn't really meet our needs and our wants. And that's when we often feel disappointed. How many of you can relate to what I'm saying? Does this sound at all familiar? Do you know anyone like this? This is ringing a bell for anybody. Tell me

There is no judgment on this call. Many of us, many of us said, I'm going to wait for COVID to be over. I can't date right now. I can't move jobs. I can't because of COVID anybody say that? Anybody hear that?


So here's the reality is that's moving forward to that mission statement, because if we had a true mission statement, COVID, wouldn't have knocked it out. It may have altered it a little. It may have redirected it, it may have circumvented it, but we are still going to where we're going. No matter what. And you know, what's interesting about disappointment. Disappointment is not, um,

Disappointment is not failure. Disappointment is lack of trying. Um, and when we make a decision, ah, I love this. Somebody is saying they actually made a decision to not pay things off, which means they stayed true to their more store. They made a decision that they can work around the CDC guidelines that they can absolutely be safe because it certainly want, but still end up where they need to. So ask yourself, I'll use a Susie. Well, if you remember, Susie Welch was the ex editor of Harvard business review and she did it a little bit differently. Um, I've tweaked it. Um, Susie has a five-by-five law. Um, I do a one, one, one rule. It works better for me, but either one is fine. Susie says, will it matter? In five weeks, five months or five years? Mine is actually one day, one month or one year.

Um, I'm a tougher love person, which is why I've changed mine. So for instance, I didn't feel like exercising this morning. I have a brand new Peloton bike. It's a big splurge. I didn't sleep that great. And I kind of was going to procrastinate. Um, I started thinking about, well, this matter in one day, well, I feel differently by the end of this day. Well, what do you think the answer is? If you don't do something that you really know is good for you, does it matter in the end of that business day? Do you feel differently? Honestly? Do you feel differently? I love it because not everybody's going to agree because we're all different. So 50% of you're saying no, it doesn't matter. And then it doesn't. But if it bothers you, which 50% of your saying, which by the way I am then the answer's. Yes.

So, Oops, asking that question. Sorry about that. Asking that question about, will it matter in one day or one month or one year, it actually helps you stay to your North store?

My mom, because of COVID, hasn't seen my children of course, for a very long time. Um, and I made a decision the minute that it was, you know? Okay. And they saw the new rules. We were going to set up a truck. Will it matter one day, one month and one year. Yeah. You know why my mom's 85 and she could be dead. And I know that's hard on the ears to say, but that's what this class is about. If you ask me what I really want to name this class, if I could, it would be a life without regret.

Disappointment is the feeling in ourselves that we didn't do something. We held ourselves back. Deep disappointment is when you haven't even tried. So homework number one, homework. Number one is probably my favorite. Um, I have a pad. I have a, just a nice. It's just a black, you know, plain book. I keep a list. It's not a bucket list because I'm not a fan of bucket list. Cause that's really like before I die, my list is what do I want to try? Um, I'm not saying before, I'm dead. I'm doing it now. So send me off. What are some things that you would like to try? And if you don't know, send me off and I don't know, what is it something that you would like to try?

Okay. I love the people that are saying smoking your own meat. Many of you are saying they don't know, or sky diving, maybe a different job, maybe backpacking learning to play golf, ah, long distance hike. I love that. Uh, I'm a hiker, um, learning how to talk to my husband language. Um, and many of you are saying, you don't know I'm doing something. I love not just a job sword fighting. Wow. Um, wow. Joining a community vegetable garden. I love that one. Um, learning piano if I missed her. So I'm sorry. Does it have a timeline animal rescue? Um, learning how to sow sow. And I don't know if he meant Sao or so. Um, so I think as the garden, so, okay. So let me how to, so, um, for most skiing, most of these have no timeline by the way, the ones you're sending me you off or amazing reasons why you're here.

Um, for those of you were saying, you don't know I'm going to help you with that. I'm going to really hope to set you on your journey. So you want to start by being empowered by understanding that there's absolutely nothing you cannot try and that you, we just need to today set a direction. We're going to come back, we're going to do some evaluation. We're going to change it and we're going to be agile, but that tough, loved one is the one that I want us to start to embrace. So we know that we can, everything you're saying here, including the, I don't know is which means, Hmm, I don't know. It's just have to work a little bit harder. They've got to listen to some others. They're probably going to try 20 more things before they get to the, Oh no, I know this is what I want to do.

Um, and like, uh, you know, we can put it in buckets. Like, what would you want to do? What would be your North store of health? Um, no judgment here, but some people will say, well, I want to wear a bikini. I haven't worn a bikini in a long time. Both men and women and other genders, um, wants to wear something they haven't worn before. So their goal is to get their body into that type. Maybe it's to join a 10 K or 5k or a marathon 26.3 miles. Um, be tough on yourself. Be really tough on yourself. Um, use total tough love to say you've got this. Not that you've got to succeed, but that you've got it to try. So if you look at your mission statement, there are many, many, um, uh, different, um, types of, um, of, uh, components of this.

And so, um, as you can see, we did remove JK Rawlings, of course, and we've included, um, with Oprah to really reiterate how important it is to have the right people in your life to look at. So when you're looking at your mission statement, and for those of you said, you don't know, you don't know, there are different ways to look at it. There is nothing wrong. And please look at all the different areas of your life that you can put in a mission statement. Maybe it's to have more money or to be more financially secure, maybe it's to make the relationship better. I love the person that said, I just want to get, I want to talk to my husband better. So maybe it's taking a five languages of love class by Gary Chapman. Maybe it's together a different job, um, or to switch up your jobs or go for a promotion. So these bullets all around here are meant to inspire you to say, maybe I want to go back to school.

You know, what's interesting about this. When my son graduated medical school, um, a few years ago, he's now a surgical resident. Um, I met a woman at his graduation and I asked her, um, who her, who her child was, um, she's around my age, I'm 59. So this is a few years ago. And she said, son, my child it's me. She come back to medical school at 55, which means she'll be, uh, uh, finishing her residency by the time she's 60. How many of you would have thought of having a North star to go back to medical school at 55? Say me or not me?

No way. That's what class is all about. I love the fact that you're saying not may other medical school. I'm here to absolutely open every idea and every possibility to you. And some people were saying they're currently looking into it. You know, the pandemic has encouraged people to become a healthcare workers, which I love. Um, this is a short and simple statement. What drives my happiness? What are your fears? What do you stand for? What are your deal-breakers? And what's your life's mission? It's not okay to be answered three or four of these. You really need to answer all five of them. And if you are in a relationship or even a first date, um, I'm, I'm, uh, uh, you know, I, this is my dating questions. Um, what drives your happiness? If somebody were to say to me personally, um, maybe race cars or maybe something that doesn't drive me, happiness, there's nothing wrong with having different happiness.

It's super interesting to know that it's sometimes when I ask people, let me ask you guys, what makes you happy? What drives your happiness? What literally turns you on. So right now, today, what turns you on? What gets you going animals love it. I have my a three legged dog right here. Try something new, making jokes, music. All right, you get some great answers here. Um, one day holding a grandchild, nothing stressed, children and grandchildren. You know, what's interesting about the person who not being stressed. I want you to think about the opposite way. When are you not stressed?

So balance between family and alone time. I love this knowing the answer. Um, and if you're saying never, I want to remind you that I am here on behalf of your beacon employee assistance program. Please reach out to us. I think you all saw the incredibly courageous, um, interview that Megan Merkel gave about knowing that she needed to have help. If the answer to these questions are, I, I don't know when I've been happy. We are here to help you. We're here to help you answer that question. I have certainly been there and I'm a, uh, excuse me, a past therapist. And I can tell you, I know the importance of answering that question for, um, and it can be a very simple completing an exercise for me. I love I'm so passionate about my job. What drives my happiness is to be here and to engage in a conversation where I get to talk about pursuing happiness, where I get to talk about what is the thing you're most afraid of?

You know, I know for me, one of the fears that I've been working through is someone not liking me. Um, and now over a lot of period of time, I've changed to learn that I need to know what I stand for. And if that means somebody may not like me, I'm okay with that. Now it's a process. I also know for me, a deal breaker, I'm afraid to do horribly in a PowerPoint. You know, um, it's not an interesting, that idea of fear of messing up is one of the things that we learned by taking this class, um, going back to the gym, we can't wait for. And I, I know embracing that kind of life is super important to us, but leaving your Mark on this world, leaving your Mark. When Wendy dies, they're going to say this about her. That's really our conversation.

So now what ultimately a mission statement is a piece of paper and a pencil. I'm sorry, a pencil and a piece of paper, and it has a structure. So if we looked at Oprah Winfrey's hers was to be a teacher, um, Malala who is in the, again in the news, I want to serve people. I want every girl and child to be educated. Um, I personally like service your grandson, right? We started Virgin airlines to have fun of my journey through life and learn from my mistakes. Do these seem like terribly difficult mission statements to write?

What do you think it's exactly what I said to myself this week? What impact would I have left on this world when I'm gone? I love that. You know, um, so some people are saying these are hard, you know, I think sometimes simple is hard. Um, I know Benjamin Moore, when they, when you ask them, how many white say have they have more than 50? Because they say white is the hardest color to paint on a wall, which I think is interesting. Um, I think we have to go back and really look at, um, what is our ideal self and it's changed and morphed. And for many of us, the pandemic did a huge amount of changing for us. I know for me, very personally, I had one dream. Um, I always wanted to be a mom. I had an idea of being a stay-at-home mom and being a teacher part time.

And that was my ideal self. And when my ex-husband left me, it was a real eye opening. And when I looked around at people, I admire it and I trusted. I realized that, um, a lot of them had accomplished pretty amazing things. And with a dollar, I decided to open a company. Um, and it was based upon the idea that my ideal self meant helping encourage people to talk about their happiness. Now that doesn't seem as unusual today as it did, um, 30 years ago. Um, but my mission statement is very simple, facilitate conversations about happiness, and there's no judgment there. That's what I try to do.

That's the legacy that I'm looking for. So I'm inviting you to think back on your ideal self, when it might've morphed or changed, maybe there was a trigger event could have been COVID for some people. And again, I always want to say if anybody has personally lost any loved ones to this horrific disease, my heart goes out. Um, mission statements are meant to be there even during our hardest, most challenging times. I've worked with people in, uh, in clergy who their mission statement is to continue faith, um, and it's helped motivate and move and inspire them during the difficult times. So just about halfway through questions, comments, thoughts, feedback, how are we doing?

I need to hear from at least five or six, are we more likely to write a mission statement to think about it? Oh, we got an okay. I don't know what the word OK means in your world. They, okay. Well, isn't so good for me. Um, but many people are, um, that some people are even saying, they usually think about it and they're on the fence. Um, is there a right exercise and our idea or guideline? Um, you know, I tell people, I would probably say yes. Um, I don't know that I would say yes to a right one. Um, and, um, I'm not sure, uh, that I believe in that, um, you know, I use an example of why, um, anybody know who Sara Blakely is.

Anybody, you know, that name, what company did she start Spanx? Anybody know when she started Spanx, when she decided that she wanted to create her own business world, um, she started Spanx a week after September 11th. And the world said to her, this is not the time to start a business. Now a mission statement is not starting about a business. Her mission statement was to create a successful world. Um, and particularly at that time, it was to make women feel beautiful. That was Spanx with mission too. And so week after September 11th, when the world was in total disarray, she started a company by the way, just so you know, um, Sarah Blakely is one of the first women billionaires. I am not using money as a value here, but I am using is I don't, people would have said that's the right time for her to do that. Sarah Blakely had actually no experience in or background in the fashion business. And when she was criticized for that, she went back to our mission statement and said, I'm a great learner. That's an awesome mission statement.

I'm a great learner means I'm open to doing things. The beautiful thing about having a mission statement like that is literally there is no wrong one. Oops, sorry. I didn't mean to turn. There's no wrong way to do that. So I want to take a few minutes and I want to go bullet by bullet, which I really don't do very often, but I want to spend some time and invite you to ask me some questions. So when we're dreaming about our ideal self, and if you weren't having this conversation, maybe with your child or your spouse or your colleague coworker, or even your boss, your manager, I think what's really interesting to say is, um, that, um, we don't necessarily dream high enough. So an example is, um, the smart goals, I'm gonna sort of give you something to think about how many of, you know, smart goals, specific, measurable action oriented, realistic and timeline. How many of you know, the smart goals, how many of you have heard of that?

Okay. Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup. Yup. Some people are saying, yeah, almost everybody, but some people haven't. So it's interesting as I'm not a big fan of the smart goals, um, I use them, but I'll tell you right now I use smart goals and I set that realistic. So I always achieve it. I'm a hundred percent successful. That's not what this class is about. If I'm using a smart goal to lose weight, I'll say, Oh, I'm gonna lose 10 pounds in a year because I know I can lose 10 pounds in a year when we're dreaming about our ideal self. It's totally different. We're dreaming about something that almost borders it's right on the cost of it seems impossible right there. You're pretty sure you're never going to do it, but there's a glimmer of a 1% chance that the difference, if you came into my home, you would see the front page of the New York times from the, when the man landed on the moon and you'd say, Oh, Wendy, you're interested in space. And I'd say, not at all, anybody have any idea on how many, um, goals, um, how many problems the men and the women had to overcome to get those men, anybody have any idea how many problems they had to do?

Anybody just guess gets a number. He has a huge number, but just guess a number wasn't thousands, almost a hundred million problems. And so everyday I walk in my home and I think, Oh my goodness, I don't have a hundred million problems. I'm really tough with myself. I am really tough with what we can accomplish in this world because when I allow myself to dream that much more, I get to do that much more. And I can say for me, a motivator is clearly leaving a legacy of what I was like with my children.

Last three months, I've lost three, um, very close, loved ones at a very young age. Many of you have had the experience to be at funerals, which are very sad, no matter how old they are, but I can tell you that it's never, it's never been the amount of time that they lived their life. Um, and I know what I'm saying is a little bit shocking and you may disagree, but I, I don't. Um, when we look at our legacy, we rarely achieve more. After certain age, we don't wake up at 70 Z to write my mission statement now. Yep. I'm going to do it. Now we have a window to do it. And while I wish the pandemic had never happened, um, for anybody, uh, for the world, I am going to look at this as an opportunity to say, wow, I get to do something different. Yeah, grandma Moses was 85. You're right. That's like, I love it. So you're paying attention. You know what? I think I would answer that by saying

Motivational to know that I could start at 85. Um, and I, I definitely want to include that conversation, but I think they're the one-offs. And I think the other thing about what grandma Moses would say is if you had the opportunity to start earlier, why wouldn't you, so the door never closes. And I really appreciate the person pointing that out. Um, it actually makes me feel like we're together. That's a critical mind. It's a brilliant mind that says, Hey, wait a minute, did you just contradict yourself? But our mission statements very often, or my own life work is about exceptions to the rule

Who are your role models?

Tell me people you admire and trust. And again, if you don't know, send me off an, I don't know, who are people that you admire and trust grandmother,

Some people saying, I don't know,

Church people, again, many people saying don't know for those who are saying, Oh, RBJ and Camilla Harris, Jim Lovell, grandmother, and mother for those are sank strong women. Um, for those who are saying, they don't know, I'm going to invite you to really start being, um, a, um, a learner, Michelle Obama. Um, and it doesn't mean that you have to know someone personally for them to guide you. If you aren't, if you're a Ted talk watch or, um, tablets, a Brown, um, I don't know how people feel. I don't know. Amanda Gorman, anybody note, remember who she was, was she is, all I said was Amanda Gorman was the poet who recited at the inauguration and act, um, the super bowl, um, to me, um, when I look at admire and trust, grace comes to mind, um, pure brilliance and grace. And I certainly don't think I'm brilliant, but I certainly think I can learn grace.

So let me break this apart for you. Um, and people are saying they have their quote on her wall. Um, um, and there we go. We've got someone saying Amanda for president. Um, and, um, I think she's an example for some of us to admire and trust. Uh, I was particularly touched because my son is a doctor and I thought her poem, uh, spoke to what the last year, two years have been like. Um, if I'm going to admire and trust people, I'm picking that caliber, I'm picking the Martin Luther Kings of the world or the RBGs of the world, or, um, Harvey milk or political people that have inspired people to change. That's one pecking. I'm going to become a learner in order for me to generate my best mission statement. I am absolutely relentless about every morning I wake up and listened to a Ted talk.

My favorite one I'm going to send off is called the barefoot movement, um, movement. Sorry. Um, and I really, I absolutely am a huge Adam Grant fan, um, as well as, um, there's one that just came out. Oh no. I mean, it's old called drop dead healthy. Um, there's, I'm just sending you a few of my recent ones every morning. I look at who else can I admire and trust? Who else do I add to my tool bag that is going to help me generate my most robust mission statement. I am not looking to make it complicated, or I am not looking to make it, um, in something that would wow, someone, right? I'm looking for something that when I ask you, tell me what your brand is. Who's your brand, what's your brand. We answer it. Sweden. We literally can answer it within a second.

And that takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of dieting and investigation and learning and quoting and saying, Hey, this is what I want. Now there's one component that left out that is equally as important. Anybody know what it is? One last piece to generating our mission statement. Can I give an example of a brand? Of course I can. Um, I'll give you many examples of a brand. Um, if I said to you, um, Nike, what might be an example of what you think about Nike? We don't have to agree on this, by the way, just do it. Most of us would say that, right? It came out with a brand, just do it. So for Nike, it was a slogan. That role that, that did, um, that worked with their brand. Absolutely. If I said to you, uh, the Kardashians billion dollar brand, what might be the answer you might give for that one?

Come on guys have fun. There's no wrong answer here. Glamor. I wasn't thinking of that, but makeup, all of those things were byproducts. They think of their brand. It really was the reality TV in quotes, right? Um, no, publicity is bad. Publicity. There you go. And people are saying, who cares? The only reason we care about any of these brands is we learn from every brand controversy. Absolutely. Um, I am not here to pass judgment on anyone, but I will tell you everything that happened is a teaching opportunity. Everything is a learning opportunity. And so another example of a brand would be, um, I mean, these are big brands that you probably know. Um, what if I would said the stock company, Bombas, anybody know ambos or Tom's shoe company or Warby Parker or Everlane, or any of these brands giving back? Absolutely socially conscious brands, philanthropic a hundred percent. They've done a good job. When I say their name, the vast majority, jump in with a word afterwards, I'm working hard. If you ask me what I'm working hard on my brand, well, let's say you and I were all like best friends by now, but you think I'm trying to create for my brand, not there yet. I'm a work in progress. But if you were the little bit, you know me, I'm the bit that I've shared, what would you say my brand is? Or trying to be?

I love what I do. So what brand? What would the happiness? Yep. I said that. Yep. Helping people. I'm trying to be passionate, motivational, passion, compassion, empathy. All of you were saying, that's what I'm working on. I'm working on it. I'm working on learning. Hey, you know what helps me be a better motivator or a better being nonjudgmental learning a lot. And here's the last piece I didn't tell you about. If I want to generate my best mission statement, I've got to also study what I don't like. I've got to study who, what is the crack in my foundation? I'm divorced. So I know about practicing foundation. So that's what a divorce is. I want to know who is it that I would not want to admire and why this is a very personal question. And again, you can send it off just to me, or you don't need to answer, but are there examples of people that you say that is exactly what I never want to do? Could you answer that question? That is a crack in my foundation. Can you think of people that have done that for you?

Anybody think of anybody? It's a hard question. Okay. So some people don't have a personal answer. Some people are saying their exes. Um, I don't admire reality shows that no problem with that, this is somebody will say, I just don't like the car. I don't admire the Kardashians. You have a right to feel, however you want to feel for whatever reason, but no, it, so if you're saying most athletes or most, um, TV shows, no. Why, what about them? Because you know, what's important in life. Not just knowing what you like, but knowing what you don't like, right? Like if I said to you back to my, how I started this, we're planning a trip and I want to go to the beach. You might say to me, well, do you want to do any sightseeing where you're there? Do you want to, what do you not like?

Ah, people are saying that they don't like when they feel lied to, that's a crack in your foundation, that's a deal breaker. So here's the way it works. You never lie. You learn what you don't like, and then you never do it. And that goes in your mission statement that goes in your passion. You say, well, this is a deal breaker for me. This is a deal-breaker I believe in life, something very strongly. And this is a very, very tall order. I'm 30 years into doing this and they believe it more now than ever. I believe that there's a solution to every problem.

I believe there's a solution to every problem. I believe that some of us need to be inspired to believe that make sense, because I try to do the opposite of what I don't like. And I want you to own it. I want you to be able to shout from the rooftop. I will never, and then you fill in the blank and you've learned that boundary. You've been able to say, you know what, I'm going to make that change. It's not, no, you're right. Treat others as you want to be treated. Um, and I love that people are saying that's the most important brand. And for some of you on this call, you've said to me, when I've heard this before, and this is a reminder, I absolutely agree with that. Um, I don't know that there's anything brand new to say about your mission statement, except for maybe this last point, Harvard I'm a Penn grad, but Harvard proved we're 80% more likely to achieve this.

If we write it down, write it down. I am lucky. Um, I have my grandmother's mission statement. My grandmother was very progressive. Um, and she was a pretty young widow and she kept a diary and she wrote her mission statement down. And, um, she was a refugee, um, during the Holocaust, she came over and she wanted to be the smartest person. She could, my grandmother read the New York times every single day article, every article, including the sports section, which she had no interest in. I used to say, I don't understand why you're, why do you do that? Like she said, if I want to be the smartest person, then I have to know everything about everything I possibly can, whether it interests me or not. That was her brand to be a learner.

And people are saying that this sounds to them similar to things that might be in the old Testament or the Bible. I totally agree. As a matter of fact, in 2018, the American medical association found that those who have authentic faith, faith in you fill in the blank, whatever it is, whether it be organized religion or not spirituality or community or job, whatever you are more likely to achieve it. So I always give people time in this class. First of all, we have a fairly new system that I'm loving because part of this is about feedback. So please take out your smartphones. I'll show you here. And I'm sure you've seen this, um, doctors before medical operations. I gray. Yeah. Um, just if you would load your, um, to our code, hold it right up to the screen. You should let me know that it works. And there is an evaluation. Please take a few minutes to do that, but I am going to stay on this call. I am going to answer all of your questions and your comments or your resources or your feedback, because that's what this is all about. Um, if not after you've finished your evaluation, I'm going to give you back a few minutes of your day, not to do anything other than make some notes, sit down and treat yourself to the rest of this conversation, to your personal journeys, to get you to that mission statement.

So I'm going to go ahead and stop the recording, but I'm going to hang out for a few minutes. Oh. And if you, if you just a little help, um, for those, all you need to do is take out your cell phone. Any Android or Apple works, go to your camera, setting on your phone, hold it up next to it. You don't take a picture, but on the top, it should say open a button. I'm hoping that helps. If not, don't worry about it. We can send you a link as well afterwards. But I think many of you have been able to get there, which is great.

Uh, we will send out a link. No problem. No worries. If your phone is not please less than we want people to do. Um, it does work on an Android. Yes. Thank you for asking if there's any feedback that you would like me to know and you can't access the evaluation, please feel free to put it right here in the chat. We will also send a link out for sure. Absolutely comments, questions. Um, you will get a copy of this recording, um, with the slides. Yes. Um, why is it thinking about the possibility of truly being scared being who wants to feel so scary? You know, it's interesting. Um, there's a lot of evidence with that. Dr. Andrew [inaudible] from university of Arizona that has done work on this. Um, and you know, it's, it's, it's fascinating because scary or scare or fear is very, very close friends with excitement.

Um, you know, it's like the day before maybe a child is born or the first day you bring a dog home or you make move, there's a little bit of fear and there's a little bit of excitement. So I invite you to rethink about that and say, you know what? I may not be as scared. I may be a little excited. Um, and knowing the differences and knowing how close first cousins they are will help. The other thing about it is I'm going to tell you something about being really scared. You don't break. Um, you don't break, so it's okay to be terrified. Um, on a one to 10, how scared do you think I was to give this talk today?

One to 10, for those of you still with me, what do you think is seven, five? Oh my goodness. You guys are going to be close. There'd be a 14. Maybe even more. Uh, this is, this is, this is a glass that can truly changes. People lives. I'm always scared, but it doesn't mean I don't do it. I have a personal mantra on that, by the way, by Giorgio Keith, who's a wonderful painter. I've been terrified nearly a life. I've been terrified nearly every moment of my life, but it never stopped me from doing anything. And a 14 isn't between one in 10 you're right. I was being a little tongue in cheek. I am a graduate of university of Pennsylvania. We are considered to be the birthplace of positive psychology. Um, so that's, uh, that maybe you might recognize a little bit of, uh, of that bias in my work.

Any other questions or comments? I was been a little tongue in cheek about a 14. I thought that was a little funny. Did you guys think that was a little funny? Um, an interesting fact, I learned a long time ago working with animals. It's I try to remind myself that some creatures can perceive the outward effect of fear as out of a threat, therefore making fear itself, a threat to your own wellbeing. Wow. That's really cool. It's something I keep with me, you know, I'm going to copy and paste that obviously make sure that your name is not, but I do think that's such a great point, such an interesting point. So I'm going to go ahead and share that. I hope that's okay, but thank you so much for sharing that.

Here we go.

Any other comments or questions? I want to thank everybody so much for joining me for today. Haven't asked some rest of the time and I look forward to everybody completing their mission statements. Take care, everybody.




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