Are You Ready to Get Married?

Posted Apr 12, 2018

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Summary

  • You share similar values.
  • You handle conflict well.
  • You trust one another. 

Have you reached the point in your relationship where you’re thinking about settling down together? Before you say ‘I do,’ look for signs that your marriage will be built to last.

Consider the following questions and statements.

How compatible are you?

You don’t have to like all the same things, but you should have some common interests and share the same core beliefs. You may be ready for marriage if the following statements describe you and your partner.

  • You share similar values. Your values guide your behavior. They help you make important decisions. Sharing the same values will set a strong foundation for your marriage.
  • You have some interests in common but don’t feel you have to do everything together. Enjoying activities or hobbies together can strengthen your bond. A healthy relationship leaves room for you each to do your own thing, too.
  • You feel the same way about spending, saving, and investing money. Different views about money is a top cause of conflict in marriages. Being in sync about finances will eliminate one big source of potential stress.
  • You agree on whether to have children and how to raise them. If you haven’t talked about this yet, bring it up before you are married.
  • You make big decisions together. This will become even more important when you’re married and your decisions affect both of you.

How do you feel about each other?

A strong marriage is rooted in love, but there are other essential ingredients.

  • You are proud of each other. You and your partner root for one another and celebrate each other’s achievements.
  • You respect one another and would never harshly criticize or belittle each other.
  • You trust one another. Without trust, neither you nor your partner will feel secure in your marriage.
  • You can envision yourselves together far into the future. Even though things will change, you are sure your feelings for your partner will not.
  • You are physically attracted to each other. Sexual intimacy is an important way to express your love for one another. You and your partner should be equally attracted to one another.

How do you handle conflict?

Disagreements are to be expected. It’s how you handle them that’s important.

  • You talk things out when you disagree. You listen to each other’s sides. If you can’t agree, you find a middle ground or another solution that you both can live with.
  • Neither of you loses your temper in a threatening way. You each have the right to be angry. Neither of you has the right to threaten the other.
  • You both handle stress constructively. Marriage brings its share of stress. If either of you falls apart when things get stressful, start working on building your coping skills now.

For service members

Military couples have incentives to get married. A spouse may be able to accompany the service member on an overseas assignment, for example. But military couples face pressures civilians don’t. Before getting married, consider whether:

  • You’re prepared for long absences from one another. Separations because of deployment and other military assignments are common in military families. This requires trust and confidence in one another. The partner at home should be self-sufficient as well.
  • You want to marry for the right reasons. Are you afraid your relationship will fall apart during a military separation? Are you hoping for spousal health and other military benefits? Those alone are not good reasons to get married.
  • You are both prepared to move often. Frequent moves are stressful, but they’re a fact of military life.
By Sharron Luttrell, Military OneSource. Used with permission.
Source: "18 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married" by Andrea Bonior Ph.D., Psychology Today, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201705/18-questions-ask-getting-married

Summary

  • You share similar values.
  • You handle conflict well.
  • You trust one another. 

Have you reached the point in your relationship where you’re thinking about settling down together? Before you say ‘I do,’ look for signs that your marriage will be built to last.

Consider the following questions and statements.

How compatible are you?

You don’t have to like all the same things, but you should have some common interests and share the same core beliefs. You may be ready for marriage if the following statements describe you and your partner.

  • You share similar values. Your values guide your behavior. They help you make important decisions. Sharing the same values will set a strong foundation for your marriage.
  • You have some interests in common but don’t feel you have to do everything together. Enjoying activities or hobbies together can strengthen your bond. A healthy relationship leaves room for you each to do your own thing, too.
  • You feel the same way about spending, saving, and investing money. Different views about money is a top cause of conflict in marriages. Being in sync about finances will eliminate one big source of potential stress.
  • You agree on whether to have children and how to raise them. If you haven’t talked about this yet, bring it up before you are married.
  • You make big decisions together. This will become even more important when you’re married and your decisions affect both of you.

How do you feel about each other?

A strong marriage is rooted in love, but there are other essential ingredients.

  • You are proud of each other. You and your partner root for one another and celebrate each other’s achievements.
  • You respect one another and would never harshly criticize or belittle each other.
  • You trust one another. Without trust, neither you nor your partner will feel secure in your marriage.
  • You can envision yourselves together far into the future. Even though things will change, you are sure your feelings for your partner will not.
  • You are physically attracted to each other. Sexual intimacy is an important way to express your love for one another. You and your partner should be equally attracted to one another.

How do you handle conflict?

Disagreements are to be expected. It’s how you handle them that’s important.

  • You talk things out when you disagree. You listen to each other’s sides. If you can’t agree, you find a middle ground or another solution that you both can live with.
  • Neither of you loses your temper in a threatening way. You each have the right to be angry. Neither of you has the right to threaten the other.
  • You both handle stress constructively. Marriage brings its share of stress. If either of you falls apart when things get stressful, start working on building your coping skills now.

For service members

Military couples have incentives to get married. A spouse may be able to accompany the service member on an overseas assignment, for example. But military couples face pressures civilians don’t. Before getting married, consider whether:

  • You’re prepared for long absences from one another. Separations because of deployment and other military assignments are common in military families. This requires trust and confidence in one another. The partner at home should be self-sufficient as well.
  • You want to marry for the right reasons. Are you afraid your relationship will fall apart during a military separation? Are you hoping for spousal health and other military benefits? Those alone are not good reasons to get married.
  • You are both prepared to move often. Frequent moves are stressful, but they’re a fact of military life.
By Sharron Luttrell, Military OneSource. Used with permission.
Source: "18 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married" by Andrea Bonior Ph.D., Psychology Today, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201705/18-questions-ask-getting-married

Summary

  • You share similar values.
  • You handle conflict well.
  • You trust one another. 

Have you reached the point in your relationship where you’re thinking about settling down together? Before you say ‘I do,’ look for signs that your marriage will be built to last.

Consider the following questions and statements.

How compatible are you?

You don’t have to like all the same things, but you should have some common interests and share the same core beliefs. You may be ready for marriage if the following statements describe you and your partner.

  • You share similar values. Your values guide your behavior. They help you make important decisions. Sharing the same values will set a strong foundation for your marriage.
  • You have some interests in common but don’t feel you have to do everything together. Enjoying activities or hobbies together can strengthen your bond. A healthy relationship leaves room for you each to do your own thing, too.
  • You feel the same way about spending, saving, and investing money. Different views about money is a top cause of conflict in marriages. Being in sync about finances will eliminate one big source of potential stress.
  • You agree on whether to have children and how to raise them. If you haven’t talked about this yet, bring it up before you are married.
  • You make big decisions together. This will become even more important when you’re married and your decisions affect both of you.

How do you feel about each other?

A strong marriage is rooted in love, but there are other essential ingredients.

  • You are proud of each other. You and your partner root for one another and celebrate each other’s achievements.
  • You respect one another and would never harshly criticize or belittle each other.
  • You trust one another. Without trust, neither you nor your partner will feel secure in your marriage.
  • You can envision yourselves together far into the future. Even though things will change, you are sure your feelings for your partner will not.
  • You are physically attracted to each other. Sexual intimacy is an important way to express your love for one another. You and your partner should be equally attracted to one another.

How do you handle conflict?

Disagreements are to be expected. It’s how you handle them that’s important.

  • You talk things out when you disagree. You listen to each other’s sides. If you can’t agree, you find a middle ground or another solution that you both can live with.
  • Neither of you loses your temper in a threatening way. You each have the right to be angry. Neither of you has the right to threaten the other.
  • You both handle stress constructively. Marriage brings its share of stress. If either of you falls apart when things get stressful, start working on building your coping skills now.

For service members

Military couples have incentives to get married. A spouse may be able to accompany the service member on an overseas assignment, for example. But military couples face pressures civilians don’t. Before getting married, consider whether:

  • You’re prepared for long absences from one another. Separations because of deployment and other military assignments are common in military families. This requires trust and confidence in one another. The partner at home should be self-sufficient as well.
  • You want to marry for the right reasons. Are you afraid your relationship will fall apart during a military separation? Are you hoping for spousal health and other military benefits? Those alone are not good reasons to get married.
  • You are both prepared to move often. Frequent moves are stressful, but they’re a fact of military life.
By Sharron Luttrell, Military OneSource. Used with permission.
Source: "18 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married" by Andrea Bonior Ph.D., Psychology Today, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201705/18-questions-ask-getting-married

The information provided on the Achieve Solutions site, including, but not limited to, articles, assessments, and other general information, is for informational purposes only and should not be treated as medical, health care, psychiatric, psychological, or behavioral health care advice. Nothing contained on the Achieve Solutions site is intended to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified health care professional. Please direct questions regarding the operation of the Achieve Solutions site to Web Feedback. If you have concerns about your health, please contact your health care provider.  ©2018 Beacon Health Options, Inc.

 

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