Get Your Marriage Off Overload

Reviewed Aug 14, 2016

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Summary

  • Don't dump everything on each other.
  • Get outside help.
  • Don't try to fix each other.
  • Accept each other's limits.
  • Set aside time to talk.

Would your load of responsibilities feel lighter if only your spouse would help out more? Do you wish your mate would really listen to your problems? Do you entertain the thought of burning the smartphone or TV remote control in order to be heard?

Many couples stay locked in anger. Their conversations are very tense and unhealthy. They each feel cut off from the other. The following suggestions can help your marriage stay healthy.

Don’t use marriage as a place to dump all stress issues

If you “overuse” your marriage—using it as an emotional dumping ground—you will destroy the healthy core of the relationship. Why? You will take all the fun out of being married.

“My ex-wife, who taught fifth grade, used to rehash her daily grind while we fixed dinner,” says Donald. “She gave me a blow-by-blow account of her strain every single day. What’s worse, I’d turn around and tell her my horror stories. I’m a police officer. No wonder our marriage failed. It began to feel sick and sad.”

When things get tough, stop looking within your marriage for help—look outside

Shaky marriages require supportive people to get them off overload. Couples need good friends, family, babysitters, home repair professionals, and others to take the pressure off their home life. Actively seek out these individuals.

Marriage is not meant to fix everything. A marriage can turn into a pressure cooker if you expect too much from either yourself or your mate.

“I thought I could take care of my sick mother-in-law, mostly by myself,” says Angie, a retired Nurse. “My bad mood hurt everyone—even my poor mother-in-law. One day I yelled so loudly at my husband, the neighbors came running. He made the decision to call a good nursing home.”

Leave your mate’s personal problems to him or her

For instance, if your husband’s hair is thinning, don’t make this your project. Let him worry about prescription products or scalp massages—unless he asks for your help.

“Marriage is a delicate thing. It’s a place where we already feel very vulnerable to our mate’s actions and opinions,” says Jane, a Marriage Counselor. “When we rip away our spouse’s personal power by trying to fix problems that rightfully belong to that person, we’re stealing his or her privacy. We can forget that each partner must be entitled to some privacy within marriage.”

Decide what your mate can realistically deliver

Your mate is a limited human being. Don’t count on your beloved to serve as a perfect co-parent/problem solver/financial guru—and more. A few people can juggle all of these roles well. Most cannot. Accept the reality of his limited talents and abilities. This helps you accept the fact that you must find resources from other avenues. 

“I kept nagging my husband to build storage cabinets,” says Rita. “But my husband works impossible shifts and has little free time. I finally bartered with a college kid. He assembled pre-built cabinets for me. I typed his term paper. My husband and I attached the cabinets to the wall.”

Don’t avoid discussing true marriage issues

Naturally, a couple must address certain responsibilities. Otherwise, their marriage will dissolve. Experts say that problems in these five categories—sex, chores, children, money, and leisure time—should be discussed on a regular basis. Problems in these areas do belong to a couple jointly. Allowing problems in these areas to pile up can spell trouble down the road.

“My wife and I sit down every Thursday night after dinner to work on our problems,” says Evan, an executive from the Northwest. “We deal with our problems within this time frame. We don’t deal with them perfectly, of course, but we use this time to share what’s bothering us. We try to assist each other in finding solutions.”

Evan continues: “This weekly routine has kept our marriage off overload for 15 years. When we set aside time to talk, this keeps our marriage problems from bouncing all over everything else. For instance, we don’t discuss problems over meals, during the news, or standing in a line at the movies.”

By Judi Light Hopson
Source: Judi Light Hopson is the co-author of Burnout to Balance: EMS Stress.

Summary

  • Don't dump everything on each other.
  • Get outside help.
  • Don't try to fix each other.
  • Accept each other's limits.
  • Set aside time to talk.

Would your load of responsibilities feel lighter if only your spouse would help out more? Do you wish your mate would really listen to your problems? Do you entertain the thought of burning the smartphone or TV remote control in order to be heard?

Many couples stay locked in anger. Their conversations are very tense and unhealthy. They each feel cut off from the other. The following suggestions can help your marriage stay healthy.

Don’t use marriage as a place to dump all stress issues

If you “overuse” your marriage—using it as an emotional dumping ground—you will destroy the healthy core of the relationship. Why? You will take all the fun out of being married.

“My ex-wife, who taught fifth grade, used to rehash her daily grind while we fixed dinner,” says Donald. “She gave me a blow-by-blow account of her strain every single day. What’s worse, I’d turn around and tell her my horror stories. I’m a police officer. No wonder our marriage failed. It began to feel sick and sad.”

When things get tough, stop looking within your marriage for help—look outside

Shaky marriages require supportive people to get them off overload. Couples need good friends, family, babysitters, home repair professionals, and others to take the pressure off their home life. Actively seek out these individuals.

Marriage is not meant to fix everything. A marriage can turn into a pressure cooker if you expect too much from either yourself or your mate.

“I thought I could take care of my sick mother-in-law, mostly by myself,” says Angie, a retired Nurse. “My bad mood hurt everyone—even my poor mother-in-law. One day I yelled so loudly at my husband, the neighbors came running. He made the decision to call a good nursing home.”

Leave your mate’s personal problems to him or her

For instance, if your husband’s hair is thinning, don’t make this your project. Let him worry about prescription products or scalp massages—unless he asks for your help.

“Marriage is a delicate thing. It’s a place where we already feel very vulnerable to our mate’s actions and opinions,” says Jane, a Marriage Counselor. “When we rip away our spouse’s personal power by trying to fix problems that rightfully belong to that person, we’re stealing his or her privacy. We can forget that each partner must be entitled to some privacy within marriage.”

Decide what your mate can realistically deliver

Your mate is a limited human being. Don’t count on your beloved to serve as a perfect co-parent/problem solver/financial guru—and more. A few people can juggle all of these roles well. Most cannot. Accept the reality of his limited talents and abilities. This helps you accept the fact that you must find resources from other avenues. 

“I kept nagging my husband to build storage cabinets,” says Rita. “But my husband works impossible shifts and has little free time. I finally bartered with a college kid. He assembled pre-built cabinets for me. I typed his term paper. My husband and I attached the cabinets to the wall.”

Don’t avoid discussing true marriage issues

Naturally, a couple must address certain responsibilities. Otherwise, their marriage will dissolve. Experts say that problems in these five categories—sex, chores, children, money, and leisure time—should be discussed on a regular basis. Problems in these areas do belong to a couple jointly. Allowing problems in these areas to pile up can spell trouble down the road.

“My wife and I sit down every Thursday night after dinner to work on our problems,” says Evan, an executive from the Northwest. “We deal with our problems within this time frame. We don’t deal with them perfectly, of course, but we use this time to share what’s bothering us. We try to assist each other in finding solutions.”

Evan continues: “This weekly routine has kept our marriage off overload for 15 years. When we set aside time to talk, this keeps our marriage problems from bouncing all over everything else. For instance, we don’t discuss problems over meals, during the news, or standing in a line at the movies.”

By Judi Light Hopson
Source: Judi Light Hopson is the co-author of Burnout to Balance: EMS Stress.

Summary

  • Don't dump everything on each other.
  • Get outside help.
  • Don't try to fix each other.
  • Accept each other's limits.
  • Set aside time to talk.

Would your load of responsibilities feel lighter if only your spouse would help out more? Do you wish your mate would really listen to your problems? Do you entertain the thought of burning the smartphone or TV remote control in order to be heard?

Many couples stay locked in anger. Their conversations are very tense and unhealthy. They each feel cut off from the other. The following suggestions can help your marriage stay healthy.

Don’t use marriage as a place to dump all stress issues

If you “overuse” your marriage—using it as an emotional dumping ground—you will destroy the healthy core of the relationship. Why? You will take all the fun out of being married.

“My ex-wife, who taught fifth grade, used to rehash her daily grind while we fixed dinner,” says Donald. “She gave me a blow-by-blow account of her strain every single day. What’s worse, I’d turn around and tell her my horror stories. I’m a police officer. No wonder our marriage failed. It began to feel sick and sad.”

When things get tough, stop looking within your marriage for help—look outside

Shaky marriages require supportive people to get them off overload. Couples need good friends, family, babysitters, home repair professionals, and others to take the pressure off their home life. Actively seek out these individuals.

Marriage is not meant to fix everything. A marriage can turn into a pressure cooker if you expect too much from either yourself or your mate.

“I thought I could take care of my sick mother-in-law, mostly by myself,” says Angie, a retired Nurse. “My bad mood hurt everyone—even my poor mother-in-law. One day I yelled so loudly at my husband, the neighbors came running. He made the decision to call a good nursing home.”

Leave your mate’s personal problems to him or her

For instance, if your husband’s hair is thinning, don’t make this your project. Let him worry about prescription products or scalp massages—unless he asks for your help.

“Marriage is a delicate thing. It’s a place where we already feel very vulnerable to our mate’s actions and opinions,” says Jane, a Marriage Counselor. “When we rip away our spouse’s personal power by trying to fix problems that rightfully belong to that person, we’re stealing his or her privacy. We can forget that each partner must be entitled to some privacy within marriage.”

Decide what your mate can realistically deliver

Your mate is a limited human being. Don’t count on your beloved to serve as a perfect co-parent/problem solver/financial guru—and more. A few people can juggle all of these roles well. Most cannot. Accept the reality of his limited talents and abilities. This helps you accept the fact that you must find resources from other avenues. 

“I kept nagging my husband to build storage cabinets,” says Rita. “But my husband works impossible shifts and has little free time. I finally bartered with a college kid. He assembled pre-built cabinets for me. I typed his term paper. My husband and I attached the cabinets to the wall.”

Don’t avoid discussing true marriage issues

Naturally, a couple must address certain responsibilities. Otherwise, their marriage will dissolve. Experts say that problems in these five categories—sex, chores, children, money, and leisure time—should be discussed on a regular basis. Problems in these areas do belong to a couple jointly. Allowing problems in these areas to pile up can spell trouble down the road.

“My wife and I sit down every Thursday night after dinner to work on our problems,” says Evan, an executive from the Northwest. “We deal with our problems within this time frame. We don’t deal with them perfectly, of course, but we use this time to share what’s bothering us. We try to assist each other in finding solutions.”

Evan continues: “This weekly routine has kept our marriage off overload for 15 years. When we set aside time to talk, this keeps our marriage problems from bouncing all over everything else. For instance, we don’t discuss problems over meals, during the news, or standing in a line at the movies.”

By Judi Light Hopson
Source: Judi Light Hopson is the co-author of Burnout to Balance: EMS Stress.

The information provided on the Achieve Solutions site, including, but not limited to, articles, quizzes, and other general information, is for informational purposes only and should not be treated as medical, health care, psychiatric, psychological or behavioral health care advice. Nothing contained on the Achieve Solutions site is intended to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified health care professional. Please direct questions regarding the operation of the Achieve Solutions site to Web Feedback. If you have concerns about your health, please contact your health care provider.  ©2017 Beacon Health Options, Inc.

 

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