Be Content in Your Marriage

Reviewed Jul 9, 2018

Close

E-mail Article

Complete form to e-mail article…

Required fields are denoted by an asterisk (*) adjacent to the label.

Separate multiple recipients with a comma

Close

Sign-Up For Newsletters

Complete this form to sign-up for newsletters…

Required fields are denoted by an asterisk (*) adjacent to the label.

 

Summary

If you learn to be truly content, your relationship will improve.

Marriage can be wonderful—a relationship of love and mutual respect, growing older and wiser as a couple, even weathering life’s storms together. But sometimes marriage can be difficult—the national divorce rate attests to this.

Learning to be content in your relationship will help it thrive. The late Richard Carlson, Ph.D., author of You Can Be Happy No Matter What, offers these tips on how to be content.

Accept the truth about your thoughts

Your thoughts are based on years of experience and habit, but they are still just thoughts, not reality. Accept that your thoughts and feelings about your spouse are influenced by your mood at the moment. They may not be accurate.

  • Look for thought habits that make you feel discontented. Here are a few to watch out for: “I must always get my way.” “I must be perfect—so must my spouse.” “I can never be wrong.” “My needs must come first.” “We must always agree on every topic.” “If I feel it, it must be true.”
  • No two people will have the exact same thoughts and perceptions. Therefore, expect to have differences with your spouse.

Understand your moods

Emotions rise and fall. It’s part of being human. When your mood drops, you may see things in a negative light. When your mood is high, that same reality looks very different. Knowing this, consider the following tips:

  • Low moods may make you think you have to fix or change things. Let the mood lift. If you still want to change things, focus on it when your mood is high.
  • Rather than take your low moods too seriously, stay in the present moment and let the mood pass. Allow your spouse to have low moods too. You don’t have to fix anything, just let it pass.

Consider the source of your feelings

Your mood and your thoughts work together to make you feel a certain way at any given moment. Low moods produce negative thoughts that can lead to feelings such as anger, anxiety, frustration, etc. Consider how this applies to your marriage:

  • Do you feel discontented with your spouse sometimes? That’s normal, of course. But feelings evolve from your thoughts, and thoughts are influenced by mood. See if a lifted mood eases your discontentment.
  • Be willing to take ownership of your feelings; your spouse did not create them.

Stay in the present moment

Thoughts tend to wander to the past and future. In a low mood, your mind tends to look back to old hurts or worry about future problems. This causes negative emotions. Learn to focus on the present so you can look more clearly at your mood and the reality of the situation.

  • Practice staying in the present moment when you perceive problems in your marriage.
  • During a low mood, try not to let yourself dig up old hurts and complaints.
  • Try to ignore thoughts that predict only gloom and hardship in your marriage. If the problems in your relationship still overwhelm you even when your mood lifts, then you can take steps to solve them from a calmer outlook.

Recognize how your thoughts, moods, and feelings can affect how you feel about your marriage. With this knowledge, you should feel more contented in your relationship. 

By Laurie M. Stewart
Source: You Can Be Happy No Matter What by Richard Carlson, Ph.D. New World Library, 2012; Chris Martin, counselor, Transformation Counseling, Charlottesville, VA

Summary

If you learn to be truly content, your relationship will improve.

Marriage can be wonderful—a relationship of love and mutual respect, growing older and wiser as a couple, even weathering life’s storms together. But sometimes marriage can be difficult—the national divorce rate attests to this.

Learning to be content in your relationship will help it thrive. The late Richard Carlson, Ph.D., author of You Can Be Happy No Matter What, offers these tips on how to be content.

Accept the truth about your thoughts

Your thoughts are based on years of experience and habit, but they are still just thoughts, not reality. Accept that your thoughts and feelings about your spouse are influenced by your mood at the moment. They may not be accurate.

  • Look for thought habits that make you feel discontented. Here are a few to watch out for: “I must always get my way.” “I must be perfect—so must my spouse.” “I can never be wrong.” “My needs must come first.” “We must always agree on every topic.” “If I feel it, it must be true.”
  • No two people will have the exact same thoughts and perceptions. Therefore, expect to have differences with your spouse.

Understand your moods

Emotions rise and fall. It’s part of being human. When your mood drops, you may see things in a negative light. When your mood is high, that same reality looks very different. Knowing this, consider the following tips:

  • Low moods may make you think you have to fix or change things. Let the mood lift. If you still want to change things, focus on it when your mood is high.
  • Rather than take your low moods too seriously, stay in the present moment and let the mood pass. Allow your spouse to have low moods too. You don’t have to fix anything, just let it pass.

Consider the source of your feelings

Your mood and your thoughts work together to make you feel a certain way at any given moment. Low moods produce negative thoughts that can lead to feelings such as anger, anxiety, frustration, etc. Consider how this applies to your marriage:

  • Do you feel discontented with your spouse sometimes? That’s normal, of course. But feelings evolve from your thoughts, and thoughts are influenced by mood. See if a lifted mood eases your discontentment.
  • Be willing to take ownership of your feelings; your spouse did not create them.

Stay in the present moment

Thoughts tend to wander to the past and future. In a low mood, your mind tends to look back to old hurts or worry about future problems. This causes negative emotions. Learn to focus on the present so you can look more clearly at your mood and the reality of the situation.

  • Practice staying in the present moment when you perceive problems in your marriage.
  • During a low mood, try not to let yourself dig up old hurts and complaints.
  • Try to ignore thoughts that predict only gloom and hardship in your marriage. If the problems in your relationship still overwhelm you even when your mood lifts, then you can take steps to solve them from a calmer outlook.

Recognize how your thoughts, moods, and feelings can affect how you feel about your marriage. With this knowledge, you should feel more contented in your relationship. 

By Laurie M. Stewart
Source: You Can Be Happy No Matter What by Richard Carlson, Ph.D. New World Library, 2012; Chris Martin, counselor, Transformation Counseling, Charlottesville, VA

Summary

If you learn to be truly content, your relationship will improve.

Marriage can be wonderful—a relationship of love and mutual respect, growing older and wiser as a couple, even weathering life’s storms together. But sometimes marriage can be difficult—the national divorce rate attests to this.

Learning to be content in your relationship will help it thrive. The late Richard Carlson, Ph.D., author of You Can Be Happy No Matter What, offers these tips on how to be content.

Accept the truth about your thoughts

Your thoughts are based on years of experience and habit, but they are still just thoughts, not reality. Accept that your thoughts and feelings about your spouse are influenced by your mood at the moment. They may not be accurate.

  • Look for thought habits that make you feel discontented. Here are a few to watch out for: “I must always get my way.” “I must be perfect—so must my spouse.” “I can never be wrong.” “My needs must come first.” “We must always agree on every topic.” “If I feel it, it must be true.”
  • No two people will have the exact same thoughts and perceptions. Therefore, expect to have differences with your spouse.

Understand your moods

Emotions rise and fall. It’s part of being human. When your mood drops, you may see things in a negative light. When your mood is high, that same reality looks very different. Knowing this, consider the following tips:

  • Low moods may make you think you have to fix or change things. Let the mood lift. If you still want to change things, focus on it when your mood is high.
  • Rather than take your low moods too seriously, stay in the present moment and let the mood pass. Allow your spouse to have low moods too. You don’t have to fix anything, just let it pass.

Consider the source of your feelings

Your mood and your thoughts work together to make you feel a certain way at any given moment. Low moods produce negative thoughts that can lead to feelings such as anger, anxiety, frustration, etc. Consider how this applies to your marriage:

  • Do you feel discontented with your spouse sometimes? That’s normal, of course. But feelings evolve from your thoughts, and thoughts are influenced by mood. See if a lifted mood eases your discontentment.
  • Be willing to take ownership of your feelings; your spouse did not create them.

Stay in the present moment

Thoughts tend to wander to the past and future. In a low mood, your mind tends to look back to old hurts or worry about future problems. This causes negative emotions. Learn to focus on the present so you can look more clearly at your mood and the reality of the situation.

  • Practice staying in the present moment when you perceive problems in your marriage.
  • During a low mood, try not to let yourself dig up old hurts and complaints.
  • Try to ignore thoughts that predict only gloom and hardship in your marriage. If the problems in your relationship still overwhelm you even when your mood lifts, then you can take steps to solve them from a calmer outlook.

Recognize how your thoughts, moods, and feelings can affect how you feel about your marriage. With this knowledge, you should feel more contented in your relationship. 

By Laurie M. Stewart
Source: You Can Be Happy No Matter What by Richard Carlson, Ph.D. New World Library, 2012; Chris Martin, counselor, Transformation Counseling, Charlottesville, VA

The information provided on the Achieve Solutions site, including, but not limited to, articles, assessments, and other general information, is for informational purposes only and should not be treated as medical, health care, psychiatric, psychological, or behavioral health care advice. Nothing contained on the Achieve Solutions site is intended to be used for medical diagnosis or treatment or as a substitute for consultation with a qualified health care professional. Please direct questions regarding the operation of the Achieve Solutions site to Web Feedback. If you have concerns about your health, please contact your health care provider.  ©2018 Beacon Health Options, Inc.

 

Close

  • Useful Tools

    Select a tool below

© 2018 Beacon Health Options, Inc.